A Simple Misunderstanding
by TisOnlyaPaperMoon
Summary: Isabella thinks she knows Phineas inside out. Most people would agree with her. She knows that Phineas has as much understanding of love as most people's knowledge of string theory. But when Phineas starts working on a surprise project for valentine's day, she takes on a personal mission to make sure that he doesn't get himself hurt- if she doesn't end up hurting him herself...
1. Chapter 1

For the first time ever, Phineas just looked unimpressed with Isabella. He wasn't angry, or excited, or scared, or any of the emotions that Isabella could pick up at an instant. He was _just_ unimpressed. He looked down at her briefly, eyebrow raised, then looked back up at the banner. She could feel her own heart thumping through her chest.

 _I should never have done this_ , she thought, as he took a few steps back from her to take in the mass of pink frills and heart-shaped balloons that filled the back walls of the Auditorium. She glanced, panicking, at the doors, where she could see the shadows of her friends watching her excitedly. Adyson gave her a supportive thumbs up, while Ferb just pointed towards the bleachers. She followed his arm to see Phineas sitting on the bottom one, flipping slowly through his notebook. He looked up at her. He still wasn't smiling. Isabella opened her mouth, paused, then spoke. "Phineas, are you…ok?"

He sighed. "You know, any other day this would have been funny. Any other day, this –" he gestured to the banner that hung haphazardly across the sports hall - "might have been Beautiful. But today?" he sighed, "today…I've got nothing Izzy." He turned away from her. "I don't really want to talk to you right now. Just-" he put his head between his knees. "just go away."

 _One Week Earlier_

 _Monday 7_ _th_ _February_

Isabella didn't like Valentine's day. Not because she didn't like romance, or pink, or soppy love stories where the prince comes to the rescue of a damsel. Anyone who knew Isabella could tell you that she lived for those stories. The problem with Valentine's day was her prince. Phineas Flynn, inventor Extraordinaire, with the intellect of a genius and the emotional maturity of a 12-year-old, had been a constant source of intense heartache for Isabella for a small eternity. Of course, there's no point really going into detail on their whole history. It's not like literally everyone in Danville knew.

Well, everyone except Phineas.

Phineas' infamous obliviousness and altruism meant that he spent every Valentine's day helping other people get together and express their love for each other. Last year, he'd helped Django profess his love for his long-term crush Nick by helping him build a massive sculpture of her in the school car park. The year before that, he'd built a system of pneumatic pipes that allowed valentine's cards to be deposited in crushes lockers (admittedly, it had its other uses -it was also a chance to test the system before April Fools', but still). When it came down to helping other people achieve their dreams, Phineas was a master. Helping Isabella? Not a chance. He did care for her, but as a close friend, and thus so did she to him publicly. The picture she had of standing together, smiling, at the top of the Eiffel Tower with his arm around her was just a sign of great friendship. And as far as Isabella was aware, that situation was unlikely to change unless Phineas did something stupid like stealing her diary or overheard her drifting into Phineasland against or suddenly notice that he was spectacularly in love with her. But Ms. Isabella Garcia-Shapiro was not about to give up on _her_ man. He'd realise eventually. He may be a stupid man, but he was going to be _her_ stupid man. Eventually.

This was the state of mind – a sort of romantic siege mentality – that Isabella was in on Thursday morning, sitting her homeroom at South Danville High. Phineas and Ferb, who usually sat to her right, hadn't arrived yet, so she was talking-more reading a book with their voices as background noise-to Baljeet and Adyson, who were sitting behind her.

It wasn't that she didn't like them, but she wasn't quite in the mood for the kind of conversation they were having.

"And then after dinner at The Diner Downtown, the movie theatre down the street is showing all 5 original Space Adventure Films! It will be most enjoyable!" Baljeet said, not hiding his excitement. Adyson raised an eyebrow at him.

"Are you sure you're not just planning a Valentines' day surprise for yourself?" she said, leaning towards him. "Are you 100% sure Ginger wouldn't just prefer a quiet dinner, a stroll through the park and then a concert?"

"Well-" Baljeet paused to look at her face. "You are messing with me, Adyson." she smirked.

"Probably"

Baljeet huffed. "That wasn't very nice."

"You kinda deserved it for going on about it for two weeks."

Baljeet shrugged. "Well, the plan kept changing."

"Yeah, what happened to the whole lily garden thing Phineas was going to build?" asked Adyson.

"He said he could not spare the time. Something about having already found a project..." at this Isabella, who had been barely paying attention, bolted upright is her chair, startling both of her classmates. Baljeet gave Isabella a confused look. "He did not tell you?"

"N-No." She paused. "I try to avoid talking to him about Valentine's day. For, y'know, the obvious reasons." Baljeet gave her the same sympathetic look she'd been getting for 6 years now, but Adyson was looking past her. Her usual devious look suddenly had extra malice.

"Why don't you ask Phineas now?" she grinned.

Isabella turned around to see the Triangle-headed boy come through the classroom door, head in his notebook, scribbling madly. It still took a lot of effort not to swoon publicly. Phineas had grown since their youth, and while he was quite skinny for his height, it mattered very little to her. While the pain of heartache had mellowed into a mild irritant by sophomore year, the sight of him still gave her small butterflies in her stomach. The torch she carried for him still burned despite all the bad times. He looked up at her and gave a little wave with his pencil-holding hand before diving back into his notebook, navigating between the tables. Isabella suppressed a sigh in a well-practiced fashion and smiled at him. Behind Phineas came Ferb. A good half foot taller than his brother, Ferb Fletcher was carrying an expression which while to the untrained eye was his usual blankness, but to Isabella said exasperation of a specific kind. She leaned over to him after he sat down.

"What's up with Phineas?"

Ferb adjusted his glasses and went to speak but was interrupted by the Teacher beginning to read notices. Usually, Phineas was one of the few people to pay attention all the way through, but today he spent the tedious time with his head in his notebook, drawing. Isabella tried a few times to glimpse a look, but he was covering the pages quite well. This concerned Isabella, primarily for the _fairly_ obvious fact that Phineas Flynn was physically unable to not tell someone exactly what project he was working on.

So, what was he doing hiding it?

"….and don't forget to get your tickets for the Valentine's dance next week everyone…" said Mr. Compton with absolutely no enthusiasm. She put even less enthusiasm into hushing the loud murmur of conversation that erupted afterward, eventually giving up and just dismissing them. Isabella got up and sidled in next to Ferb.

"What were you going to say?" she asked as they filed out into the corridor. He turned to speak but was interrupted by a large body slamming straight into him, knocking all of them to the floor.

"What'd I miss?" the body shouted.

Ferb nursed his forehead, "Good Morning, Buford."

"Ah, whatever, I'm sorry," snarked Buford, completely unapologetic as he stood up and pulled the other two up. "Traffic was bad."

"Was it," Ferb said dubiously.

"Alright, I might have overslept. Did I miss anything important?"

"Not really, just notices." Buford looked at Isabella blankly.

"Oh hey girly, didn't see you there." His eyes, she noticed, were bloodshot.

"You have a hangover, don't you."

"Who are ya, my ma?" he snorted, before then wincing at the sound of his own voice. "Alright, maybe. It's a free country."

Isabella sighed. "Come on, I think Phineas has some of that anti-hangover potion left in his locker." The three of them shifted through the crowd towards Phineas' locker.

"You guys going to the Valentine's dance?" Buford asked. Ferb nodded. "Really?" Ferb narrowed his eyes and nodded again. "With-" Ferb made a pinching gesture over Buford's shoulder. "Alright, alright I get it, I know not to ask for a Vulcan nerve pinch" he rolled his eyes. He went to ask Isabella but a further look from Ferb silenced him again.

Phineas's locker was a social hub for the group between classes. He and Ferb had taken out the partition wall between their lockers so they could store more stuff. Plus, Ferb's 'British sci-fi' skills had allowed for the lockers to be, you know, bigger on the inside. Thus, they were unsurprised to see Baljeet, Adyson, Django, and Holly chatting by the lockers as Phineas rifled through his. "Hi everyone!" Isabella said, giving everyone a little wave. All but Phineas acknowledged. Her face dropped into a grimace, which Adyson rolled her eyes at. She sidled so she was right behind the redhead, before leaning over his shoulder and going "Watcha doin?"

Under normal circumstances, Phineas would've jumped about 3 feet in the air in shock. However, in this case, he just jumped into Isabella and sent her sprawling towards Django (who promptly caught her and pushed her back at Phineas), while bouncing off her and into his locker. He grinned at Isabella, whose anger at being sent flying for the second time that morning was disarmed instantly.

"Oh, hey Izzy!". He glanced behind her. "Oh, hey guys! How is everyone."

"We're fine," Django said. He went to ask something but glanced at Isabella. "So…P-man, what's the plan for valentine's day?"

"P-man?" Phineas screwed his face up. "way below your usual standard dude."

"Answer the question or it's what we're calling you for a week," snarked Adyson. Phineas threw his hands up.

"Alright, alright." He sighed, and Isabella swore he caught him glancing at her. "I'm already doing a project."

"Who for?" Holly piped up.

"Well- "

Baljeet piped up "Is it for Ferb?" the boy in question snorted. "Well, you're not a ladies man for nothing."

Phineas smiled and shook his head. "It's not anyone here."

"Alright." Holly thought for a moment. "What about Alex in Physics?"

"We hate Alex, remember?" said Adyson tersely.

"What about Anna from the bus, didn't she want to leave Balthazar that scavenger hunt?"

"No, she went for something less grandiose-" Phineas tried to speak through the chatter, to no avail.

"Didn't Neal from Biology say he wanted to do something for what's her name..." Django paused "Sandra?"

"I'm not doing it for-"tried Phineas.

"It's not Sandra." Adyson retorted.

"And why can't it be Sandra?" Django threw back

"Duh, cos' she's gay" Buford shouted _slightly_ too loudly. Django crossed his arms.

"And you know this because?"

"Because I caught her and Adyson snogging at Lunch last week." Most people in the vicinity, who had been listening in as always, went deadly silent. Buford looked confused but came to an immediate revelation when he looked at the subject of his gossip, who looked like she was about to rip off a locker door and beat him over the head with it. "I wasn't meant to tell anyone, was I?" Before anyone could do anything, he had been pinned against the wall by Adyson, who had pulled a ruler out of her bag and thrust it against Buford's neck.

"BUFORD VAN STORM YOU PROMISED YOU WOULDN'T TELL A GODDAMN PERSON-"

"I forget sometimes, it's a failing-" he grinned at her. "You gotta forgive a personality failing, don't ya?"

"IT'S A FAILING?" the ruler jabbed at his neck

"Sometimes I forget instructions if they're not clear enough!" Buford looked around for help, but no one seemed sympathetic. "We have a song about it!"

"WHAT PART OF 'DON'T TELL ANYONE ABOUT THINGS YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE SEEN IN THE FIRST PLACE' IS SO HARD TO UNDERSTAND THAT YOU NEED A SONG TO REMEMBER?"

"Well, you see- look, it's Sandra!" Adyson spun round to look at the empty void Buford was pointing at. The tattletale took this chance to duck out from her clutches and took off down the corridor, yelling "Sorry-adyson-but-I-can't-be-late-please-don't-hurt-me-bye-guys-see-you-at-lunch"

The gang watched as Adyson gave chase, screaming "I AM GOING TO KILL YOU AND THEN I AM GOING TO SKIN YOU ALIVE AND WEAR YOU AS A SWEATER". There were a few moments of stunned silence, then the hallway burst into extremely lively chatter.

"Anyway…." Said Django, "so who are you doing it for?"

Phineas went to explain but caught himself at the last moment. "I can't say." He said. "It'll be really cool. You'll all love it. I promise guys." Isabella was sure he kept glancing at her. "You'll get to see it. Actually, I do need some help with-"he faltered under a look from Ferb. "I'll let you guys know." He grinned again, the spark in his eyes the usual fire that drove invention, but he did seem a little on edge. Phineas liked the spotlight, but not today. "We should get to class guys. I'll see you all at lunch." He closed his locker and began to head to Math with Baljeet and Django.

"You'll tell us more at lunch, right?" Isabella asked as he moved away. He didn't answer. Isabella gaped slightly, but then spun around and fixed Ferb with a gaze. "Alright buster, what's the deal?"

Ferb put a finger to his lips. "Loose lips sink ships." He grinned mischievously and went off to class.

"Oh for Christ's sake."

"What does that mean?" Holly asked.

"It's Ferb. It could mean anything." Isabella scoffed. But really, she was beginning to put the pieces together in her head.

"I mean he obviously knows who Phineas is building that project for," Holly said. "Maybe he's doing it for you."

"That's the stupidest suggestion yet Holly" Isabella looked at her, trying not to look as bitter as she was. "I think I'd have noticed if Phineas came out of the cocoon of being absolutely oblivious about me. It's not like I've been waiting for it for almost forever."

"I'm just sayin'." Holly shrugged. "I mean, it's possible, isn't it."

Isabella didn't reply. _It was possible,_ she thought, but then she shrugged it off. _That's not how fate has worked for me._

"If he's gone and fallen in love with someone, I've gotta make sure he doesn't get hurt by someone."

"And you know how love works for Phineas?"

"Thing about love is, no one really knows how it works. However," she reassured herself, "I think I'm probably an authority on everything to do with Phineas and love."

Holly sighed. "This is not going to end well, is it."


	2. Chapter 2: The Ferbian Strategy

**2\. The Ferbian Strategy**

 _Lunchtime, Tuesday 8_ _th_ _February_

"Wait wait wait, you've never seen Sherlock?".

"Nope."

"It's good TV Izzy, you gotta try it!" Phineas chuckled slightly, "It's clever, and funny, and- "

"It's heavy-handed and derivative." Cut in Ferb, from behind them in the lunch queue. "I much prefer Doctor Zone."

"You're only saying that cos you prefer the books," said Phineas. "The TV show is so much better." He adjusted his plate to fit his canteen from home on it.

"It's not a proper adaption." Ferb insisted. "Just read the books, Isabella."

"I dunno Ferb." She turned to Phineas, smirking, "Maybe you could show me how better the TV show is.."

"Yeah! You could come over and I could show Ferb how right I am!" Phineas said, totally ignoring the mask of fury that flashed over Isabella's face and the sound of Ferb Facepalming. Isabella looked behind her for support, only seeing Django who gave her a sort of 'I-don't-know-while-you're-still-bothering' look that only served to just make her slightly more hacked off at the situation. Experience, however, had taught her that Phineas was pretty bulletproof to the kind of flirting that most people were _supposed_ to pick up quite easily.

That didn't stop her from being very irritated by it, and thoughts of slapping some sense into him were far more frequent than she was really willing to admit. _I mean what's the worse that could happen if I just shouted that I wanted to drag him into the storeroom over there and kiss him until his passes out…actually, that's a really crap idea, isn't it…but it is tempting at this point, far more tempting than that time Jason tried to…_ she shuddered at the thought of her only ex-boyfriend, before going back to Phineas. She sighed uncontrollably as she saw him joking with the lunch lady, but was startled by a chuckle from behind her.

"Trying to think of ways to kill him again?" Django's snark brought her out of her daydream. "That or how to get away with kissing him in public?"

"What happened to the 'don't make jokes about my pining for Phineas' rule?"

"That wasn't a joke, it was an honest question."

"really?"

"No, it was a joke," Django said. "Anyway, I thought I was exempted from that rule." Isabella snorted but accepted his appeal. Django's exemption from this rule was down to their connection, and his best kept secret. For most of Freshmen year, he'd had a crush on Phineas – one, much like Isabella, he knew he was _extremely_ unlikely to ever get fulfilled. They had thus spent a lot of that year privately swooning over him from the back of Art class and the Junior Band. She was far more trusting of his sympathy than anyone else's, which made jokes like this more tolerable. Not that much more, but tolerable enough.

"What is it this time then? The Valentine's day project?" he asked. Isabella nodded as she picked through the cutlery, handing a pair to Django.

"It's not that I mind working on it, it's just that-"

"That this year he's doing it for himself instead."

"-Yeah."

"You're trying to avoid spoiling it for him?"

"Erm, what?" She gave him an incredulous look as they walked towards the gang's table. "I'm trying to avoid ripping his head off while he goes on about someone else. I'm trying to figure out which one of them-" she gestured flippantly at the 'cool girls' table in the center of the hall "-is going to screw with his heart as Kelly did."

"I mean-" Django, paused, then decided against saying whatever he wanted to say as they walked into earshot of their table. "I'm sure it'll be fine." He tried to sound reassuring, but Isabella just looked worried.

"What's up Izzy?" Asked Phineas, looking up from the contraption him and Ferb were tinkering with over their lunches.

"Erm-" she paused as she sat down across from Baljeet, who was face down in a textbook "I was just worried about Buford."

Phineas looked unconvinced for a second, but then he chuckled as he removed the back panel from the box, his nose wrinkling in that way that made Isabella's insides jump slightly. "Oh, he'll be fine. He's probably just worried about missing Lunch. He'll emerge eventually."

He went back to fiddling with the wires in his box. She looked at Baljeet, who offered no support beyond a weak smile. She sighed and leaned towards the redhead.

"Phineas?"

He continued to fiddle with his screwdriver. "Yes?"

"Whatcha Doin' with that box?"

He looked up "This box?"

"Uhuh."

"It's an invention." Satisfied with his answer, he went back to fiddling with it.

"Phineas?"

"Yep?" he said, tongue in his cheek as he twisted wire into place

"What does it do?"

"Well-"

"Hey, guys!" Isabella turned to snap at whoever interrupted her, expecting Buford but corrected herself with a smile when she saw Nick instead, wrapping his arms around Django's neck and giving him a peck on the forehead. The subject of the public display of affection grinned bashfully.

"Dude, not in public!" he said insincerely as his boyfriend sat down across from him.

Nick Hillier had first met Django at band-in fact, Isabella had introduced him. He was the son of a work friend of Isabella's mum, so she'd known him vaguely for about 10 years. They'd hit it off immediately, and it wasn't long before Isabella realized that she'd inadvertently set them up (Which was nice but didn't really help her with her desire to be set up with Phineas). Nick's musical skills, as well as his surprising ability to strip a car engine, made him an instant hit with the gang, and while he didn't usually join them on the main summer vacation antics, he was a welcome addition during term time.

"Hi, Nick." Said Phineas, looking up only briefly. Ferb nodded a greeting. Nick waved back, then peered at the box.

"What is that?"

"It's an invention," Phineas said as if he'd just explained string theory.

"Right. Ferb, what is that?"

Ferb looked over his glasses. "I have no idea."

Nick frowned. "Well, this is a buzzkill." He sighed. "Who knows, maybe Buford will come flying through here chased by Adyson."

"Don't count on me gettin' chased anywhere buddy," said the table. There was a moment of silence, then everyone looked underneath to see Buford hiding underneath. "Oh, heya everyone."

"Ah, the brave hero plots his next move from underneath the lunch table," joked Nick, as Buford grimaced from his uncomfortable position folded underneath the table. "Plotting your next move with the used chewing gum?"

"Very funny. At least here I'm safe from her revenge." No one looked impressed by this defense.

"Buford, just get out from under there before you hurt yourself," chided Isabella.

"Fine mum, jeez," he said, banging his head as he clambered out and slid in between Isabella and Ferb.

"Has anyone seen Adyson?" panted Buford, as he sat down and took three fries off Ferb's plate.

"She went looking for you after Biology," he said, "And stop stealing my chips."

"I ain't stealin' your chips, I'm stealin' your fries." He said through another mouthful of fries.

Ferb went to say something but decided against it.

Baljeet looked up from his textbook. "Why are you hiding from her Buford?"

"Yeah, what are you, chicken?" Django began to do unimpressive chicken noises, while Isabella, Nick, and Phineas snickered at the end of the table.

"Shut it you guys, Buford ain't afraid of fighting a girl." Isabella resisted the temptation to either ram her head or his, into the table.

"Is this because you're a man of Gentlemanly honor, or is it that you don't want the Football team to watch you get dragged down a corridor by the ear, then dunked into the bowl of a toilet like the last time you pissed off Adyson?"

"I've got a plan this time."

"Have you."

"The Freudian strategy."

"What does that involve, going to tell Adyson you're sorry and then accidentally saying that you enjoyed humiliating her?" said Isabella with a mild snarl.

"No, it's that one where ya avoid actually talkin' to them until they get bored and go away." He said proudly.

"You mean the Fabian Strategy Buford." Said Nick tentatively.

"The Ferbian strategy?" he looked at Ferb. "You came up with this?"

Ferb adjusted his glasses. "The Fabian strategy is named after Roman General Quintus Fabius Maximus Verrucosus, who was given the task of defeating the great Carthaginian general Hannibal." He paused. "The Ferbian strategy, however, involves only engaging with _certain_ other people when you can make them look like idiots."

"Very funny," fumed Buford.

"Seriously though, won't avoiding Adyson just make her angrier with you?" asked Django

"Nah. I'm sure she'll be perfectly fine. My natural charm will help me."

"So you're natural charm is why Adyson is running across the lunch hall armed with a tray." Buford spun round to see the flash of a yellow jacket coming towards him at speed.

"Shit." Buford mouthed.

"Nice knowing you bufe." Smirked Phineas. The embattled bully leaped up and scrambled over the table as fast as he could, as Adyson appeared nest to them, panting. "YOU CAN'T RUN FOREVER" she shouted as he vaulted over a table of 9th Graders.

"You'll never take me alive!" he replied, cackling slightly as he burst through the doors. Adyson sighed, then sat down and took a handful of fries of Baljeet's plate. Baljeet stared at her, sighed and got up and jogged after Buford, muttering something about how it was not worth being Buford's friend even now

Ferb sighed. "You two are more alike that you're willing to admit." Adyson stared at him, then continued to eat the fries.

Phineas grinned and went back to tinkering with his box. "What's the do-hiccy?" she asked through a mouthful.

"An invention."

Isabella's patience was wearing thin. "You can't say that three times and except us to be satisfied."

"Yeah dude, you know we all want to know what it is."

Phineas blushed slightly. "Well, it was meant to be a surprise for Valentines' day but-" he glanced up, and Isabella swore she caught him blushing for some reason. "-ah, screw it." He fastened the back cover back on the box and spun it around. "It's a chocolate maker." Everyone made polite impressed noises, except Adyson, who continued to chew.

"That's a bit below you're normal standards. What can it do, make candy bars that make you fall in love with someone?"

"That…wouldn't be consensual Adyson.," said Phineas, slightly concerned.

"Never stopped the princes in fairy tales," she said, still picking food off other people's plates.

Phineas stared for a second at Adyson. "Anyway, what it does is scans their mind to produce the perfect chocolate for whoever it scans. Not just their favorite one, but whichever one will make them feel the best at that moment in time." He looked at the console screen and frowned. "It's just got a few teething problems right now."

"Such as?" Nick asked.

"It only produces chocolate covered raisins." Said Ferb.

"Ew." No one seemed particularly happy with that.

"So, this is the Valentines' project?" Django seemed unconvinced. "Is that it?"

"What this? No, this is part of the bigger project." He grinned to himself. "Oh, it's far far better than just this." Ferb rolled his eyes, unseen by his brother."

"Are you going to tell us anything at all about this master plan of yours?" Isabella asked, her irritation biting through the question. Phineas looked apologetic, even slightly scared.

"I'm sorry Izzy, I just- I don't want to spoil the surprise. I mean with something as awesome as this, you don't want to spoil it too early or it'll be ruined, and then you" he stuttered for a second –"we all won't get to enjoy it at all!" he seemed _very_ insistent that it not get spoiled, but most of that insistence was aimed at Isabella, which worried her. _What doesn't he want me to know?_ Whatever it was, it was obvious that he had no intention of telling any of them.

The rest of the lunch hour was uneventful. The brothers tinkered with the chocolate dispenser, while the others gossiped. Nick had heard that one of the Football players had been caught drinking the night before a game and had been thrown off the team; Adyson wondered whether Holly was ever going to stop pining over shiny hair Simon in English. Isabella listened idly to the gossip, but obviously wasn't paying attention.

"You alright there?" Nick waved a hand in front of her. She blinked and looked up to see everyone standing up. "You coming with us?"

"Y-yeah," she stuttered as she picked up her tray and followed the group, barely paying attention. Her mind was spinning, drifting away in an almost Phineasland-like manner, but instead of images of her dream crush doting over unknown others while his friends stood by, ignoring Isabella's fury and eventual distress with him paying attention to someone else. She shook herself back to reality and found herself in the corridor, next to her locker, with everyone giving her a weird look.

"You alright there Izzy?" joked Phineas. She blinked, then smiled at him.

"I'm fine."

"School lunch not settling well?" he grinned at her, while Ferb rolled his eyes in full knowledge of where she'd drifted off to.

She shrugged. "Something like that."

"Cool." He grinned, ignoring the obvious as per usual. "I and Ferb are gonna stuff the chocolate maker in my locker. Meet you guys outside?" Everyone nodded or made accepting noises. He grinned and walked away, talking at Ferb about coming up with a better name for their device.

Baljeet, Nick and Django stood by Isabella's locker, bemused. She exhaled a breath she didn't realize she was holding and opened her locker furiously.

"What is up with you today?" Baljeet sounded curious, but also worried about what the answer might be.

"It's not like Phineas to not tell anyone about his big ideas is it?"

Baljeet snorted. "I once messaged him to ask about chemistry homework and got a lecture about how he was going to turn a microwave into a holoprojector."

"He once called me up to ask whether he could borrow my car to test out a new type of fuel that turned exhaust fumes into cotton candy," Nick said.

"So, it's not bothering any of you that he's hiding this one from us?"

Django looked away awkwardly. "Well, he did say it was a surprise. Maybe it's for someone we know?"

"Maybe it is for you?" Baljeet suggested tentatively. For his troubles, he got a slap over the back of the head from Isabella. "What is so bad about that concept?"

"Because _that's not how he works."_ Isabella hissed. "Phineas won't realize that we're 'meant to be' because everyone wills him to."

"So, you're going to assume that he has no ability to figure that out himself?" Nick said skeptically.

"I know you're all rooting for us to get together, but I'm not some little girl anymore." She pulled her locker door open angrily, trying not to shout at them. "He knows how I feel, but he's isn't interested, and he doesn't want to hurt me, that's why he isn't saying anything, right?" They stared at her, stunned. "Well, go on then. Tell me I'm wrong. Cover for him."

"We don't know what he's doing Izzy," implored Django, "but don't just stand here and wallow with us." He pointed down the corridor to where Phineas and Ferb stood next to their lockers, scratching their heads while staring at the chocolate maker. "Go and ask him. He's Phineas. He can't lie to your face. I mean, literally, he can't lie, he goes red and his face does this weird twitching thing."

"I am not going to break him like that," Isabella huffed as she rifled through her locker.

Nick stared at her quizzically. "So, you're just going to run circles around him until you figure out what he's up to?"

"What are you going to do?" asked Django. "Ask Irving to set up a camera system so you can follow his every move? Search his house through for his secret Valentines plans?"

"What I am going to do," she said determinedly, "Is make sure that he's safe, without him ever having to know."

"So, you're going to avoid actually having to confront on this?"

"Ah, the Fabian Strategy," Baljeet cut in, scornfully. "That has gone so well for Buford has it not?"

"We're not Buford," she insisted. "It's just about making sure he's safe from emotional harm."

"Now hold on a second," Django cut in. "Did you just say 'we'?"

"Well, you are going to help me find out who he's doing this for?"

"Django sighed. "We don't have a choice, do we?"

Isabella slammed the door of her locker sharply, the boys jumping with the clang. She smiled deviously. "Now, you wouldn't want to let me down, would you?"

All three of them looked at each other. As much as they found the prospect of snooping around Phineas to be an unlikeable prospect, they _did_ all want to find out who Phineas's valentine was. More importantly, they all wanted to confirm their suspicions that (despite her insistence) it was, in fact, Isabella who was the target of his extravagant expression of affection. After a few seconds of glancing nervously at each other, they all gave slight nods of agreement. However much of a bad idea this might end up being, none of them really felt like telling Isabella this.

"I'm going to find out who he's making this-" she gestured vaguely "-thing for, so he can't break his heart in the process. Us, the Fireside girls, even Ferb, we're going to save Phineas from himself." she stared each of them down. "Any objections?"

They would all at some point in the next week all regret not saying anything.


	3. Chapter 3: Immovable Objects

_Wednesday Evening_

Ferb liked his alone time.

He didn't get a lot of it - with someone like Phineas as his brother, the alone time came few and far between. Not that he _disliked_ his brothers' near-constant buzz of excitement and ideas, but sometimes you just need total solitude-not just the solitude of silent thinking in a crowd, but absolute solitude. It was nice. It was his personal quest for total solitude that found Ferb walking down an empty corridor towards his locker on a Wednesday afternoon after school. Wednesday afternoons were one of the few days that the inseparable brothers were separated. Phineas was off at baseball practice – a sport which despite many years' encouragement Ferb still found extremely tedious. Instead, Ferb used the time to catch up on work and read alone in the locker. He stopped at the locker, looking both ways before stepping in. There were enough weird looks during the day but at least then the crowds in the halls made it less conspicuous when a group of five people disappeared into 'the locker'.

He didn't know why they still called it "the locker". They'd decided to expand the locker to the size of a medium sized room about two months into high school, and in the intervening years' they'd never seemed to find a name that stuck. The "Phineas and Ferb all-star Rec Room" was a bit silly, PnF's Den made them sound like they were 12 again and Buford's suggestion of "the Crib" made them cringe internally. So, calling it 'the locker' stuck, even though it thoroughly undersold Phineas and Ferb's major circumvention of the laws of physics that allowed them to fit a room into a school locker.

Ferb walked through the room, beams of weak late afternoon sunlight cascading through the windows (they were technically on the 5th floor, but those British sci-fi skills could do wonders). He put the battered kettle on and popped the teabag in a chipped mug with faded 'Ferbtastic coffee shop' seal. He sauntered over to the record player, lifted from their parents' antique shop and stuck on an old Jazz album. It was when the room was empty like this that Ferb could really take in the scale of achievement, creativity, and imagination that this room represented.

The 'locker' itself was a good-sized room made smaller by the accumulation of stuff that'd filled it during their time at South Danville High and was as much a reflection of the group as it was of the two boys. The back wall, once the same dull metal as the lockers, was filled with a massive mural of inventions: the rollercoaster, the sunbeater3000, the 'mix-n-mingler' machine and many others. Phineas had painted it all after he'd twisted his ankle skateboarding and been cooped out inside for a whole baseball season. Ferb always stopped to admire it and smiled warmly as he remembered the adventures that his brother had transcribed with a brush as vividly as any author. You could peer into any part of the mural and be drawn from whatever miserable school day you were having right into the thick of the action. Gone was the tedious of GPA's and idle lunchtime gossip, and you were thrown back to the carefree days of building spaceships in the backyard, running across town after giant chameleons or fighting mindless pharmacists who looked suspiciously like Mr D. the Science teacher. As much as Ferb didn't like to dwell in the past (his brother's mantra to 'keep moving forward' span around in his mind), it was pleasant to see how much they'd done in even one summer.

Tapping along the swing of the music, he poured the boiling water into the mug and mused at his surroundings. The rest of the room was covered with other mementos of adventures since 'the summer': a poster from the Clive Addison film they'd helped do the special effects for; Baljeet's college physics diploma (whether a copy or the real one, Ferb did not know) hung proudly alongside the framed sashes of all the ex-fireside girls, as well as a myriad of other awards they'd one together. The crowded bookshelf carried amongst the timeless classics Buford's Poetry, Sheet music by Holly and Katie and journals which almost all of them had been published in. A battered football, signed by the Snifferton Nostrils sat alongside trophies, while Ferbs' prized Cricket bat hung alongside Django's Hockey stick and Phineas's baseball bat. Copies of the student newspaper were framed alongside cuttings from their various syndications, including the time that Adyson's slightly over-the-top description of what it was like to "experience Phineas and Ferb's chaotic brilliance" was included in The New York Times. A large pinboard, chequered with college admission letters and a pinned map of the world charted the gangs' future, from crowd of dots around the local universities to Baljeets' position at MIT all the way to Ferb's own place at Camford-on-Oxbury.

Even the furniture told part of their story. The long, low coffee table was made of wood recovered from their attempt to sail through all seven Oceans (it was around that point that they learned that the 'Phineas and Ferb Effect' did not apply when attempted major voyages of any kind at all), the name "SS Perry" still embossed in one of the planks. The high metal worktop where he prepared his tea had once been used to repair many a spaceship sent to the brothers' by Meep. The battered sofa at the center of the room had been 'liberated' by Buford and Django after the Football Team's underdog victory over Jefferson County High School in Sophomore year-Ferb suspected it had been taken from the losing teams' student common room, but it had been so well worn and stained and bruised by the gang now that it belonged here more than there. The pair of worn armchairs were second hand, liberated from Mrs. Garcia-Shapiro during a spring clean, while the Beaver-tailed chairs by the work desks had once graced the tables of Chez Platypus. It was the epitome of Phineas and Ferb. It had been their idea, but once they'd open the taps everyone else had made it theirs as well, and they preferred it that way: shared, and enjoyed by as many people as possible.

Except for today, when it was just Ferb. And Ferb found that prospect quite appealing. He picked up his tea and walked over to the bookshelf, picking a book and idly flicking through the first pages as we walked over to the sofa. It was a good book, he decided and reckoned that with the peace and quiet he anticipated on getting for the next hour or so he could smash through a good chunk of it.

"Hello, Ferb," Isabella said, quietly with the hint of smug satisfaction from the darkness of the armchair he'd been intending to sit in.

Now, Ferb did not like surprises. You'd think with a Brother who was known to exclaim "I know what we're gonna do today!" randomly and without warning that he'd be used to surprises, but that was different. Phineas's spontaneity had patterns, and after over a decade he became quite predictable, and Ferb could usually anticipate whatever was about to happen.

 _Actual_ surprises? Different matter entirely. Ferb hated them. Less because they threw him off guard (it didn't help) but more because surprises usually involved interrupting something else. He was actually quite furious about this surprise because he exactly why Isabella had pinned him down at this point, where he couldn't disappear into a crowd or hide behind Phineas's obliviousness. She wanted to know what he was up to, and who better to ask than Ferb. Except that Ferb couldn't tell her. Not that he didn't want to tell her: more that telling her would utterly destroy any trust his brother had for him.

Ferb wanted to shout at her. He wanted to yell about how her silly plans and scheming were just going to make things worse, but that wasn't Ferb.

So Ferb dropped his mug.

Isabella's smug look dropped to a look of panic as the ceramic shattered all over the hard floor. "Oh! Ferb!" she jumped to her feet and began to help him pick up the pieces. "I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I didn't mean to surprise you like that."

Ferb gave her a look.

"Well, I did mean to surprise you like that, but not _like that_."

Ferb gave her another look. She scowled at him, hands on hips.

"Well, how else was I going to get you alone?"

Ferb shrugged, then sat down and faced Isabella, legs crossed. She blinked at him, confused. "Well?" he said. "What were you going to do if I hadn't dropped my mug?"

Isabella looked at him awkwardly. "I was…I was going to ask for your help. And your advice."

Ferb raised an eyebrow at the word advice.

"You see-" she paused, stopping the wrong words tumbling out of her mouth. "I've always trusted you on what the best cause of action Phineas-wise." Ferb nodded. Isabella continued, slightly more confident. "Despite the fact that everyone thinks I'm still pining for him, which I'm not-"(Ferb rolled his eyes at this) "-I've always carried a torch for him as someone I deeply care about."

Ferb nodded slowly.

"I'm worried he's going to get himself hurt over some stupid girl who'll take him for a ride. Someone who doesn't appreciate his genius, his humility, his selflessness. Someone like Kelly."

They both physically shuddered slightly at the memory of the girl who Phineas had gone out with (actually to be correct, she'd taken him out, he'd had little volition in that relationship) for most of Autumn and winter. He'd been in a vulnerable place that he didn't want any of the gang to know about, and Kelly had jumped on the chance to use him as a stepping stone up the social ladder that none of the gang really cared about. He'd been her plaything, and her obvious envy of his relationship he had with all his childhood friends had created a strain on him. Phineas had spiraled badly: not talking to Isabella, snapping at Ferb, not even inventing. During their trip to England over Christmas, he'd been pulled out of the hole he'd fallen into, but she'd still managed to inflict some parting wounds on Phineas. He'd blown up, yelling down the phone at her before then yelling at everyone in the room and then disappearing for a day into London. Ferb had eventually found him and everything had returned to the swing of things, but no one was sure he ever healed properly.

It was around this point that Ferb realized that she wasn't out to keep any girl away from Phineas. That would've been the obvious path. But her focus on Kelly-a name that was almost never spoken anymore- made it quite clear that Isabella really didn't really think that she could be the focus of his love anymore. He found that disheartening, considering how long he'd been in her corner.

"I just needed to know. That he- "she paused. "he hasn't fallen for someone who could hurt him."

"Do you have a list, then?"

"Of course not!" Isabella spluttered. "I mean half the girls at school would use and abuse him like a hairdo, or their current boyfriends."

Ferb raised an eyebrow.

 _"_ I'm just looking out for him." She insisted.

Ferb's eyebrow went higher, somehow. Isabella folded her arms.

"I am not trying figure out the competition. I might be competitive, but I'm not out to make his life a misery." She stuttered slightly, staring at the photo of the three of them on the wall behind Ferb. "If he's into someone else that's fine, I just don't"-she tried to hold back the tears. "I don't want him to be ruined by it." She looked at Ferb, her cheeks glistening. "Is that really so much to ask? I can't ask for his love, but I can ask for his happiness, right?"

Ferb sighed. "He's not going to get hurt, Isabella. And you're not going to change that by having the gang stalk him day and night."

"How do you know that, huh?" she said, sneering slightly. "Isn't he meant to be the sunshine kid? How do you know one of the gossip girls isn't going to tear him to shreds?"

"Because," he paused, and looked away from Isabella. "It isn't for any of those girls."

"It isn't for one of the gang is it?" Isabella could feel how panicked she was by this concept. Ferb looked unimpressed with that suggestion. "Ok, that's safe." She froze. "Is he Bi?"

The Englishman froze. Isabella's heart began to race, and if she'd looked down, she'd have seen her hands shake slightly. "I mean he does hang out a lot with Django after school, and I mean there's nothing wrong with that. Django's a good guy, and they'd be nice together, at least he'd be happy with-"

Ferb began to laugh uncontrollably.

It started as a small chuckle, before filling the room. It was nothing if a little contagious, and Isabella began to giggle with him as she realized where she was going with that. "That would require Django to dump Nick, wouldn't it?" she said, relaxing suddenly.

Ferb nodded through his laughter, "That amongst other things," he said, recovering.

After the initial relief of being proved wrong, Isabella began to feel a little insulted from his derision "What? Is Phineas not being straight such a hard concept?"

Ferb leaned forward and gave Isabella the second glass of Whisky, which she looked at dubiously. "There are things," he said, smiling, "said in the sanctity of our bedroom Isabella that should never be repeated."

Her weak smile dropped into a disturbed look.

"Don't presume the worst of us." He drained the glass. "Actually, we're men, so it's probably better you do presume the worst of us."

"So he's not bi."

"To the best of my knowledge, my brother is not gay, as we both know he went out with Kelly. And I know what they got up to or at least tried to get up to."

Isabella did not like the physical image that was in her head right now. "Ew." She stared at her glass. "So it's not a guy, that you know of. And it's not any of the 'popular' girls, and it's no one in the gang. Then it's gotta be someone I don't know."

"You're really missing the obvious one here."

She stared at him blankly.

"Seriously?" He sighed. "You're not doing that whole 'I know everything about Phineas' job very well today."

Isabella leaned forward,seizing his attention with a gaze of total conviction. "There are no circumstances under which Phineas has fallen head over heels in love with me in such a perfect manner." Ferb thought she'd have sounded sad, or distressed saying a sentence like that, but she said it with as much flatness as answering a question in a class. It sort of hurt.

Ferb went to speak. He really wanted to tell her the truth. Stop her from doing what Isabella does best-rounding up and organizing people towards an impossible goal, and then achieving it.

Unfortunately, it seemed like that impossible goal was stopping Phineas from finishing a big idea. Because Ferb knew the painfully obvious at this point. It was unbelievably difficult not to tell her, or anyone, but he was Ferb, so he knew how to keep it quiet. But with Isabella, it was unbelievably hard not to spill the revelatory conversation he'd had with his brother only a month before….

 ******* _ **One Month (more or less) Earlier…*****_

Phineas had stopped typing.

In a sense, Ferb was slightly thankful for the respite from the heavy click-clack on the laptop. In another sense, the silence was probably not a good sign. Phineas liked Physics homework. In the sense that not only could he do it, but he also enjoyed writing them. He'd always end up writing twice or three times as much as needed, not the general irritation of his teachers. This essay on Planetary Orbits was no less likely to evoke this sort of response from him- at least usually.

Tonight, however, there was total silence from Phineas's side of the Bedroom. It wasn't a good sign. It usually meant one of three things. Either A), Phineas had come up with A Big Idea, which while it wasn't too bad in the long run meant that Ferb would have to leave this History essay for yet another day closer to the deadline, B) he'd fallen asleep which was bad news for Phineas as that paper was due the next day, or C) something was really bothering him. Option C was bad. The mind-numbingly uncrushable optimism of Phineas Flynn was rarely troubled by anxieties unless it was to do with people saying he wasn't a good inventor or that he was an awful musician. No matter what, he should probably figure out what it is before Phineas told him.

Ferb looked at his brother. Phineas was sitting on his bed, his feet balancing on the back of a chair. The laptop and the physics notes had been abandoned by Phineas, who was leaning back on the on his chair, smiling. Ferb went to ask what the idea was but then noticed that Phineas was nowhere near his notebook. _What is bothering him_? His brother sighed, and the smile deepened.

Ferb looked up from _Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy_. "What's up with you?" he asked. Phineas came to his senses, bolting upright and whirling to look at him, smile dropping suddenly.

"What? Nothing. Just thinking." Ferb inclined his head. _About what?_

"You know. Things."

 _Things._

"Yeah. Inventions. Projects."

 _Really._

"Yeah! You know, nostalgia, thinking about what we can do next year." He leaned back onto the bed. "Isabella was talking to me about her trip to Italy, seeing Verona and Florence. Maybe we could do Romeo and Juliet. Like we did Troy that time."

Ferb raised an eyebrow. _Romeo and Juliet? Sounds a little romantic._

Phineas stuttered. "We-well what's wrong with that. It is a romance. It'll be fine though. We'll have you as Benvolio, Baljeet as the Capulet, Buford as Montague, Django as the Friar, Isabella as Juliet-" Phineas stopped and sighed, the misty-eyed look returning to his eyes.

 _Wait-_

"Isabella would be a great Juliet, don't you think Ferb?"

 _He isn't._ The spy thriller lay abandoned for the real-life plot twist.

"She's kind and funny, and her smile", he sighed again, staring a small photo of all three of them on his desk. "her smile makes me feel like everything is going to be ok, and I'm never feeling like I'm always letting her down like I was with Kelly and-"

Ferb glanced at the notes Phineas was copying from, written in the elegant hand of their neighbor. _Oh Christ, he can't be_

"Her hair…it's just so, y'know, perfect, wouldn't you say Ferb? Maybe that's why Kelly was so bitter about her, cos she was jealous or something. I mean how could you match Izzy? I just wonder whether-"

"Fuck me," Ferb said, grinning slyly. "You're in love with Isabella."

Phineas went as red as his hair. He stumbled over his words to correct his brother, who stared at him, before admitting defeat and nodding. Ferb began to laugh. Not his usual sharp chuckle, but a fully uncontrollable belly laugh, which he only stopped when he realized that his brother was staring at him in abject fear. Ferb calmed himself and looked at him. He could practically hear Phineas's heartbeat.

"You're-" he paused "You're not going to tell her right?" he said, nervously. Ferb paused, still in giddy shock with the fact he was right. "Ferb!" Phineas shouted at him, on the verge of bellowing.

Ferb shook his head, trying not a chortle out loud.

"Promise?"

 _Promise._

Phineas relaxed. Slightly.

Ferb raised an eyebrow at him. _How Long?_

Phineas thought for a bit. "A year or so, but I think I finally realized… at New Years'."

 _That thing with Kelly._

Phineas looked away slightly. "Uh-huh."

 _You have been acting weird since then._

"No, I haven't." Ferb gave him a look. "Do you think Isabella noticed?" Ferb shook his head, trying to hide his amusement, but thankfully Phineas and turned back to look at the photo of Isabella on his desk.

"I don't want her to hate me. She's so, y'know perfect. I don't want to throw my chances away, but I do wonder whether I should just get on with it. Carpe Diem, y'know? But she is one of my closest friends and –" he sighed, wistfully – "she's so...brilliant." Phineas continued to swoon over his neighbor for a good minute, before turning to Ferb, whose face now carried a very tedious look. "What do you think, bro? I know you don't talk about this stuff, but do you think I've got any chance with her?"

 _Well-_

"The jocks at school are always trying to ask her out, but she never accepts any offers. I wonder if there's a reason?"

 _You see-_

"Maybe she's not into guys. No, she went out with Sam, and that other guy from the grade above, but not for very long. Maybe she's after someone specific?"

 _But Phineas-_

"She's never shown any real interest in me. I dunno. I've always just been a friend, and I guess it's always gonna be like that- "

 _Jesus Christ let me finish-_

"That's the most painful part, don't you think? Having to be so close to someone like that and wanting so hard to tell them how you feel, but them never noticing you?" He was now bouncing on the balls of his balanced feet, rocking his chair at an angle.

 _You have to be kidding me-_

"But that's love isn't?" Phineas said wistfully. "Chasing a hopeless dream." He leaned back further, smiling.

Ferb had had quite enough of this. "You know she's madly in love with you, right?"

Phineas fell off his chair with a clatter, his heading poking up from behind his bed looking like a deer in the headlights. "What?"

Ferb looked over his glasses, fixing his brother with a stare. "She's nuts for you."

"No she isn't." he scoffed. "You're trying to make me feel better."

 _No,_ _I'm not._

"Really? Alright then, smarty pants, how long have you known this?"

 _Since we were about Ten_.

"I think I'd have noticed if Isabella was in love with me since I was 10."

"Phineas, have you ever listened to In the City of Love?" The gang had recorded most of their spontaneous musical numbers a while ago, for their own enjoyment and to prove to other people that they had really happened. It's quite difficult to prove that a spontaneous musical number without a discernable music source happened.

Phineas shrugged. "I always skip through to Summer Belongs to You." Ferb got up and went to the CD player and stuck in the 'Summer Belongs to You' CD, skipping to Isabella's love ballad, before leaning back in a chair and watching his brother. Phineas' listened skeptically for a bit, but Ferb watched with not a little amusement as he went first wide-eyed, then a little Pale, then began to shake slightly. As the final refrain finished, Ferb popped the CD out.

"Well?"

"Ferb?"

 _Yes?_

"Have you been hiding this from me?"

 _No._

 _"_ Has Isabella been hiding this from me?"

 _No._

"Has there been a massive conspiracy to hide this from me?"

 _No._

"Am I the stupidest human being on the planet?"

 _Yes._

"Hey!"

 _Your words, not mine._

He paused for a second. "Did I totally screw this up with Kelly and the thing at Christmas cos-"

 _Nope._ Ferb wasn't 100% on this answer, but he wasn't about to break the flow here.

Phineas sat upright, looking giddy with nervous excitement in a way Ferb hadn't seen in months. "I've gotta do something about it. I gotta tell her." He leaped to his feet and began to pace around the room. "Maybe I should go over now….no, she's at her grandma's…..maybe I could tell her tom-no, I wouldn't want to do this to her before her big Volleyball game…maybe..no, or…" he picked up his notebook and began to scribble furiously, sweating profusely. "What about…too large…or…no Phineas, she's not that into Platypuses…..actually….Oh god, what was I thinking with that one…." His hands were a blur, drawing as his marked a new indent in the floor of their bedroom. Ferb watched him with amused interest before an idea came to him.

"How about Valentine's Day?"

Phineas spun round. "Valen-what-now?" Ferb pointed to February 14th on Phineas' Doctor Zone calendar. "Ohhhhhhhh. Hey, that's a great idea! Ferb, I know what we're doing on-"

"Phineas, Ferb, Dinner!" Mom's voice came from downstairs. Phineas dropped his notebook on his bed and gave his brother what Ferb supposed was meant to resemble a serious look, but was ruined by the giddy excitement that bubbled beneath it. "Not a word to Izzy, right Bro?". Ferb nodded. "Awesome?"

"Boys, are you coming? This Lasagna's not getting any warmer!"

"Coming Mom!" Phineas practically bounced out of the room. Ferb sighed and got up to follow him. This whole emotional revelation lark was rather tiring.

 ******* ** _Back to the Present_** *******

"Ferb?" Isabella clicked his fingers in front of his face. He blinked for a second, then refocused on her. "You ok?"

"Of course I am. I was just thinking about how many times I've had to tell you that everything is going to be fine on Phineas." He leaned forward and clasped her hand. "It's going to be alright. You're probably overthinking this. I know he's had hard times, but he's a strong guy."

She paused. "So…you're not going to help me figure out what he's up to?" He paused. "You know what he's up to, but you're not going to tell me."

Ferb looked straight at her. "Do you still love him?"

"Yes." Isabella didn't even need to think. That was what this was about in the end.

Ferb breathed an internal sigh of relief. "Give him a chance on this one. Just-just let it play out."

Isabella blew up, a little bit. "I can't just let this one play out Ferb! We let it play out last year and he got hurt! I have no plans whatsoever to let my - _our_ friend get hurt in any similar way by anyone at all!" Her flash of rage disappeared as quickly as it appeared. Flustered, she leaned back in the chair.

"Well then." He paused. "Maybe don't try and get everyone together to figure out what he's up to. Most of us think you should be far more optimistic about Phineas."

Isabella snorted. "Optimism hasn't got me anywhere in the last ten years."

Ferb smiled. "Cheer up a bit."

"Yeah, Izzy, cheer up!" They both looked up to see Phineas coming through the door to the locker, schoolbag and sports kit shouldered, grinning.

"Hi Phineas," she said meekly, waving slightly.

"So….watcha doin' at school so late?" he asked.

"Isabella was after some advice about that history paper we have due," Ferb replied before she could come up with a feebler excuse.

"That's nice of you Ferb!" Phineas said, going through his locker. Isabella craned slightly to see what he was doing, but he shifted his body slightly to block it. For a second, she caught a glimpse of his face reflected in the mirror. His eyes met hers, briefly, and his idle look was replaced with fear. It disappeared in a second, but it was seared into her memory. _What is he so afraid of?_

 _Me?_

 _Oh god,_ both Isabella and Ferb thought at roughly the same time. (Phineas was thinking something odd about a corndog themed space station that can't really be described with words)

It was the worst part of it really. Ferb could practically see the cogs ticking in Isabella's brain, and in the wrong direction. But Ferb-oh how much he wished it so-could step in to solve this one. However much he wanted to lock the two lovebirds- _no,_ idiots in this room until they eventually just told each other the truth, part of him was pretty sure that much like the last four times he'd tried that it wasn't going to work. So here it was: the unstoppable force was about to hit the immovable object.

"Ready to go Ferb?" Phineas grinned at him, thoughts of Starbase Corndog finished. His brother nodded slightly.

"Cool! "Phineas burst into fulling planning mode as they made their way out. "I had this idea for upgrading the message tube system, maybe we could use the vents to send larger packages and maybe-" Ferb was admittedly, tuning his brother out. He knew whenever Phineas came to act on this current idea he'd get filled in on it again. Right now, Ferb was trying to figure out how exactly he could prevent his brother and Isabella from mutually annihilating each other on Valentines' day. He almost came to a solution when he was jolted to a halt by Phineas grabbing his arm.

Phineas had stopped suddenly, bringing Ferb back from his mind palace. Isabella was a good few paces in front of them, well out of earshot of the whisper the redhead suddenly dropped to. They were outside now, and a cold wind cut across the school grounds. Phineas leaned in close, trying not to look too conspiratorial.

"What did Isabella want?" he almost hissed. _Jesus Christ_ , Ferb thought.

"I told you, help with homework." They were walking quite slowly not, and while Ferb didn't look at his brother, but he knew Phineas's eyebrow was curving upwards. "She did!".

"No, she didn't." Phineas was definitely hissing now, but there it was less with anger than worry. He looked forward at Isabella, who was standing waiting for them by the gate. "She's scheming around me. I've had Django and Baljeet on my back all day about you-know-what."

"I'm sure she's as curious as they are, but I didn't tell her anything." Ferb glanced at his brother, who was trying hard not to look anything but pensive as they approached Isabella.

"Penny for your thoughts?" she asked, glancing at Ferb who became terribly interested in a stain on his glasses.

"Well-" he paused, a grin filling his face. "What are your thoughts on a Corn Dog Space Station?" Isabella giggled. "I'm being serious! You'll be surprised how many Aliens love those things!"

Isabella rolled her eyes playfully. "At least now you're telling me your ideas again."

 _Now if only he'd tell you everything,_ Ferb thought.

 **Authors Notes/Comments**

 **Longer chapter this time, primarily because I've had the flashback on my hard drive for about 10 weeks and it was burning a hole in my writing folder to leave it out. The events with Phineas, his ex and the winter trip to England are (hopefully) to be the subject of a later story, but one mad idea at a time.**

 **defiant00: Thanks so much for the review! Kind of chuffed that the person who inspired me to write this is reading, and enjoying my work!**

 **beautyful2121: Glad you're enjoying it!**


	4. Chapter 4: Mild Headaches

It was raining. Which meant that Ferb had a headache. It wasn't that the headache was caused by the rain, more that Ferb felt that the rain had just compounded a general sense of being crushed under the weight of things that he felt these days. Well, he said these days- he meant last the few weeks specifically. Ever since Phineas had decided to surprise Isabella with a profession of True Love, he'd been at the eye of a hurricane of anxiety-driven feverish panic, and it was beginning to get to him.

Plan after plan had been drawn up before Phineas had settled on something sensible. Scrapbooks the size of buildings, multimedia presentations, jacking Isabella into Phineas's subconscious (he'd shot that one down as quickly as possible) and dozens of other downright stupid ideas had been thrown at his feet. He thought that'd be the hardest part. But now he was faced with not only trying to build the bloody thing but also keeping it secret from Isabella.

 _She's really in the shit on this one_ , Ferb thought was he slid his way through the lunchtime crowd in the corridor. Rain kept everyone indoors, and thus the gang would all gravitate to the locker. Ferb grimaced at the prospect of nursing his headache through the noise of a dozen people in a deceptively small room. Even after their heart-to-heart on Wednesday, she'd persisted in her bold task of figuring out who Phineas's Valentine was, reducing the back row during Chemistry to some weird combination of 20 questions and an FBI interrogation. He'd said nothing, of course. But it didn't help his head. In fact, just thinking about what was going to happen hurt. Isabella was a persistent person, and unless one of her friends could turn her around on her thinking, she was going to careen into Phineas on Monday fully intent on ruining her own Valentine's day. Ferb wondered if he could get through the rest of the day without another barrage from her when he more or less walked into her entering the locker.

"Ferb!", she said, winded as he smiled weakly at her. "Listen, I have to get to student government but I need you to look in Phineas's locker for me."

"Not happening."

"Pleaaaaaaase," She wined.

Ferb stared, unimpressed. "Don't you use the Doe eyes on me, I'm immune."

Isabella huffed. "You're so cold-hearted sometimes."

"I prefer to call it a Stiff Upper Lip," he replied.

She rolled her eyes. "You know you'll help me, Fletcher. I just have to wear you down."

"Don't you have student government to go to?"

"They're patient people."

"Lucky them."

"Focus Fletcher." Isabella put her arms out, pinning Ferb against the lockers. He could smell her perfume.

It made his headache worse.

"Don't call me Fletcher."

Isabella leaned forward. "Fine then, _Ferbo_. Let's save Phineas."

" _Save_ him?"

"Just tell me what he was doing in the sports hall?"

"I don't know!" Ferb ducked right under her arm, and Isabella spun to face him. "Just cool it for a bit."

Isabella narrowed her eyes. "Don't tell me to cool it, mister."

Ferb sighed. "I'm going in here now." He pointed in The Locker. "I'm going to have a cup of Tea. Earl Grey. It's going to be hot. I'm going to drink it, then I am going to finish my book. And you know what?"

"What." Isabella hissed.

"At no point in that process will I give any thought to you or my dear brother's antics."

Isabella sighed. "And after that? Will you be useful then?"

Ferb opened the locker door. "After that, I intend to sleep until my name becomes Rip van Fletcher." He gave her a mock salute. "Good day, Ms. Garcia Shapiro," he said in the snobbiest British voice he could do.

Isabella stuck her tongue out at him.

"You're missing student government!" he yelled as he climbed through the door. As he'd expected, the Locker was packed this lunchtime. He could see practically the entire gang in the room; Irving at the back, poring over several computers at the same time: Ginger and Holly gossiping; Adyson stood, waiting by the kettle, looking through her phone. Nick and Django were enjoying each others' company at the back of the room while Baljeet tried his hardest to explain calculus to Buford, who looked like someone was trying to explain string theory to him while warily watching Adyson. There had been some form of truce between the two after Adyson had cornered Buford in a classroom, but whether they were still on speaking terms (or, more concerningly, whether Adyson was finished with Buford) remained to be seen. It was loud, it was noisy, but it was better than the common room.

More importantly, Phineas was nowhere to be seen, which meant that Ferb could enjoy his lunchtime in peace. It was beginning to get oppressive, the constant bombardment of design suggestions and alternations: best place to get balloons, whether to have supplies delivered at home or at school. Sometimes Ferb just needed Tea and a book.

Actually, right now Ferb just felt like a sit down. One of the big armchairs was empty, and Ferb collapsed into it, his bag discarded as he withdrew his totemic book. He'd been right in the middle of a section on Victorian engineers on the bus and as he sank into folds of the chair his mind went to Isambard Kingdom Brunel and his atmospheric railway (an idea he and Phineas had yet to cross off their list). _Vacuum powered trains are just up our street_ he thought as he turned the page, settling in for a quiet half an hour.

"Fletcher!" A shout came across the room, followed by the clatter of shoes coming towards him.

 _Bugger,_ he thought.

"Ferb, we need to talk." Adyson tapped her foot impatiently as Ferb took time to mark the page, and looked up from the book.

"Is this about Phineas?"

Adyson huffed. "Of course it's about Phineas." Ferb raised an eyebrow. "Ok, maybe it's about Isabella as well but you know what I mean. You don't have a problem with one without it involving the other. Except of course they're avoiding each other this week but that's not the issue here, but it is a part of it."

Ferb nodded in a _get on with it_ fashion.

"It's about this"- Adyson waved flippantly in place of trying to describe Phineas's project. "-Valentines' thing."

Ferb raised an eyebrow.

"Well-"

"It's not really our problem is it?" Ferb pointed out. He _really_ wanted to get back to that book.

"It sorta is, now that we're all involved in some way."

Ferb paused. "Wait, what do you mean 'all involved.'"

Adyson gestured to Baljeet, who was trying to explain integration to Buford. "Yo, Jeet-tell Ferb what you told me."

Baljeet looked up sheepishly. "Phineas…. Phineas may or may not have asked me to help him carry some equipment into the Hall and hide it underneath the stage."

Buford looked up indignantly, "Hey, why didn't he ask me instead of a wimp?"

" _You_ were in Detention," Baljeet huffed, "while the wimp who is currently _doing your homework for you_ was around when he needed help."

"Fair enough." Buford looked over at Ferb and Adyson. "Now that I think about it, Dinnerbell did ask me about love poetry in French class on Tuesday. Coupl'a real specific questions as well." He shrugged. "Is that the sorta thing you're talking about Addy?"

Adyson nodded without acknowledging Buford.

Irving piped up from behind several computer monitors, "He wants me to give him some of my old videotapes." He paused as everyone looked at him. "Not the weird ones…just the y'know, ones he knew I was filming."

Ferb resisted the urge to shudder.

"I'm supposed to help him with some banner-thing on Sunday," Django piped up from the back.

"You see Ferb?" Adyson gestured around the room. "He's gathering everyone up. Like he usually does."

"That's how Phineas works though," Ferb retorted. "He can't keep a project to himself. What's so bad about this one?"

"He's not showing us the whole project?" Django questioned.

"He ain't tellin' us who he's crushin' on either," Buford said.

"And he isn't including Isabella." Adyson pointed out. Ferb stayed silent. "And the day that Phineas keeps a project from his best friend is not a good day." There was a murmur of agreement from around the room.

Ferb stood up, "There is a clear and obvious explanation for all of the subterfuge, and I'm sure if we ask Phineas he can tell you." There was murmuring around the room at this, and Ferb heard Baljeet explaining what Subterfuge meant to Buford. No one looked particularly satisfied by this.

"Do you know?" Gretchen said from the back of the room

He nodded reluctantly.

"Can you tell us then?" Ginger asked.

Ferb looked at his feet for a second. "Not really."

"Why not?" Holly piped up from a table at the back.

"What can't he tell you?" asked Phineas as he came into the room, stopping as he realized everyone was staring at him awkwardly. "What his real name is?"

No one laughed. He smiled weakly and leaned in close to Ferb.

"Everyone talking about me?" He whispered.

"Yup," Ferb said.

"Confused about the project?"

"More irritated to be honest."

"Do they know?"

"Of course, they know"

"Don't overreact Ferb, they can't all know."

"They all know Phineas."

"No, they don't, I've been very subtle." Phineas insisted.

Ferb leaned away from his brother. "Put your hand up if you think Phineas's Valentine's project is an announcement that he is madly in love with Isabella."

All bar two hands in the room went up. Irving looked slightly sheepish at the number of hands up around him, and Phineas looked like he was trying as hard as he could to stop his cheeks from flushing red.

"Alright, now keep your hand up if you know for certain that this is the case and that Phineas is a terrible liar."

Baljeet and Django's hands went down but faltered slightly as they did.

Ferb looked over at his brother, who tried to look unfazed. "Ta-da."

Phineas's smiled dropped, and he looked scared-an unnatural expression for him. " _Please_ don't tell her guys."

Adyson rolled her eyes. "Phineas, even if we did, she wouldn't believe us." Phineas's face lit up.

"Fantastic." He looked over at Ferb in satisfaction. "You see? Nothing to worry about at all. She'll still be surprised."

"But-"Adyson seemed winded by the utter obliviousness of that statement. "She thinks' its' for someone else."

"Great! It'll be a total surprise then on Monday!" Everyone else looked at him incredulously. "What?"

"Isabella cannot comprehend the concept that you are in love with her at all," Baljeet said, slowly. "It is...beyond her at th3emoment."

"She hates me?"

"No no no, that is not what I meant," Baljeet replied frantically. "She does have feelings for you. She does want you to love her. But she excepts you to realize that…on her terms. And not so soon after Kelly." He practically whispered those words.

"So it'll still be a pleasant surprise for her when I've come to that conclusion without her having to do anything, right?" Phineas said, defending his ground.

"I'm not sure pleasant would be the right word for it ," Buford said, still staring at the maths work.

"Shocked, perhaps?" Holly suggested.

"Confused?" said Nick.

"Disturbing?" offered Ginger.

"Pretty fucking furious?". Snarked Adyson.

Phineas flew off the handle. "Come on guys! What is up with you? I thought you were all meant to be in my corner. I thought I you-" he pointed at Baljeet. "were supposed to have been 'shipping' us for about six years." What about you Irving, with your creepy photoshop edits, huh? Not 'meant to be' now, huh?" He gestured at the ex-fireside girls. "I thought that all of you were always trying to push me and Izzy together. And now that I'm finally doing it, you've all turned around and gone 'don't do it, Phineas, she won't believe you'. What gives you the right to toy with me and her like this? What gives the right to keep us apart for any longer?" Phineas was yelling now, months of guilt and embarrassment manifesting in fury. "Izzy's been waiting nearly a decade for me to clock how much of an idiot I am, and I intend to show her properly that I am not the Mr. Oblivious she thought I was no matter how much you people seem to think she's not in love me! Shouldn't Isabella get to decide that? Shouldn't I give her the chance to?"

The room was silent. "Well?" Phineas was panting with exhaustion at his outburst. "No one gonna tell me how I was too late or something?"

Most people were averting their eyes, and Ferb resisted the temptation to physically shake some sense into his brother.

"Phineas, we didn't mean it like that." Adyson tried to explain.

"Good." Phineas wasn't really listening at this point. "Then you're going to all help me then?" He phrased it as a question, but it clearly wasn't.

"But Phineas-"Holly tried to speak up.

"It's for true love..." Phineas implored in a don't-fuck-with-me manner. Holly just nodded at him. He smiled slightly. "Thanks, everyone.", He sighed. "I'm-I'm sorry I blew up like that. This is pretty big for me, I don't want to screw this up and there's so much that needs to be done." He seemed back in control, the sunshine glow back on his face.

"It's alright Phineas." Ferb patted his brother on the back. "We're all in your corner on this." He looked around the room. "Right everyone?" The correct affirmatory noises were made by most people, but Adyson and Holly still looked a little worried.

Phineas seemed satisfied, however, and Ferb could see the creative cogs ticking in his head again. "Awesome, I knew I could count on you guys. Buford, Baljeet, can I borrow you for like 20 minutes?"

They looked at each other.

"Now?" Phineas hissed slightly through his teeth.

"Alright, alright, jeez," Buford said as they packed their bags and followed the redhead out of the room apprehensively. The bully leaned over to Ferb as they passed, muttering "This better be a good fanfic for dinnerbell to get this angry this often," before following Phineas and Baljeet out of the locker.

The green-haired boy rolled his eyes, then collapsed into his armchair. "I thought the headache was bad. Thank fuck that's over."

"I don't think it is." He looked up to see Adyson, Ginger, Gretchen and Holly standing round him looking worried. "You see, Isabella…might have asked us to help her."

Ferb looked at them with an _are you kidding me?_ look. "Help?"

Adyson nodded. "Isabella would like us to stop Phineas."

He gave them a _She wants you to stop him?_ look.

Ginger shuffled awkwardly. "Katie and Milly as well," she added.

"Stop him from doing what?"

Holly sighed. "As far as we can work out, she wants to stop him from doing anything."

"Jesus Christ," Ferb felt his head spin as he imagined the fresh hell that was about to unfold. "So we now have Phineas leading us all in one direction, and Isabella right in the other one." He puts his head in his hands, trying not to give away how utterly exhausted he felt just trying to work out what was going to happen next.

"What are we gonna do, Ferb?", Gretchen asked. The boy didn't answer. "Ferb?"

He put a hand up in a _give me a bloody second, will you? I'm trying to think_ sort of fashion. The girls looked between each other then back at him. Ferb sighed, heavily, then sat up. "We can't stop them."

"What do you mean?" Holly looked confused. "They're gonna end up hurting each other."

"We just saw what happens if you try and question Phineas on this, and I know what happens when you put Isabella on the spot." Ferb looked thoughtful, despite knowing he was really admitting some form of defeat here.

"So what are we going to do then, smartass?" Adyson said, tapping her foot.

"Damage Control." Ferb replied promptly.

"Explain."

"We have to make sure that both of their plans fail _just enough_ so that they realise that they're both wrong about the other person."

"How?"

Ferb shrugged. "I don't know."

Gretchen seemed confused by this. "You always know how those two work."

"I'm running on fumes here Gretchen," he said despondently. "I think we're just going to have to play it by ear here."

"Isabella isn't going to accept us not helping her." Holly cut in. "She's already got me pressuring Irving to hand over camera footage as well."

"She's got me following Buford and Baljeet around as well," said Ginger

Ferb grimaced. "Do whatever she asks you to do."

"Why?" Adyson seemed unimpressed. "Won't that just reinforce her self-belief?"

"Perhaps. But at least we'll know what her plan is that way."

"I'm not particularly reassured by that."

"Well right now I haven't got a better idea."

"Are you going to come up with any?"

"Probably. Give me a few hours."

"What about now?"

"What I am going to do now," he said deliberately, "is sit here and read my book, as is my birthright as an Englishman. Any questions?" The girls all looked at each other. Adyson looked like she was going to slap him but stayed quiet. "Good." They went back to their seats, muttering to each other. Ferbs' head still hurt. He opened the book and began to read, but the drive to keep reading eluded him.

 _Bugger this,_ he thought. He got up, pulling his bag with him as he left in search of this brother.

"Phineas?" Ferb asked tentatively as he pushed open the doors to the Sports Hall, slightly surprised at the lack of a lock.

"Up here!" he heard a voice coming from the stage and looked up to see his brother trying to adjust the contraption that hung from the rafters. Baljeet and Buford stood holding two ropes in the wings, watching the red-head. "A little to the left Buford." Buford yanked the rope, sending Baljeet flying and the projector whirling in circles on an adjustable mount. Phineas facepalmed as Baljeet careened straight into Buford and took them both flying offstage.

Ferb climbed onto the stage, grabbing one of the ropes as Phineas pulled hard on the other one. Slowly, the massive contraption came to a stop. The box was as Ferb remembered the blueprint. A huge mass of buttons and projector parts, with a huge projector sticking out one end all covered in a thick layer of yellow dots covering every surface.

Ferb stared at it, impressed. "So, this is the holo-emitter."

"Cool, isn't it?" Phineas was back in his element after his earlier outburst. "Watch this." He tapped a button on his phone, and the emitter vanished. "Got the invisibility cloak working in my free period. Didn't even have to fix one of Dr. D's inators. Not that it'd been hard, but I prefer to do it myself." He pressed another switch, and suddenly the backyard appeared in the middle of the hall, tree and all. It was perfect: the 104 marks they'd made each summer on the fence, the smell of pie from the kitchen, the wind fluttering the leaves above them. It was like they were there.

Except it was levitating four feet in the air.

Ferb raised an eyebrow at his brother, who grinned sheepishly. "Still working out some bugs. Don't want to materialize a tree in the middle of the bleachers, do we." Phineas flicked through a few other holoimages: The deserted island from the Summer Solstice trip, The New Years' Ball, an ice cream parlour, a clearing at Danville Lake. The work was immaculate. Ferb smiled at this, but then remembered why he'd come searching for his brother.

"Listen," he started, as his brother began to lower the emitter from the ceiling. Buford and Baljeet had emerged from backstage, and immediately grabbed two of the stabilizing ropes and began to drop the emitter with Phineas.

"Give me hand with this?" Phineas asked. Ferb reached for the last rope. began to help ease the huge contraption groundwards.

"Are you sure that you need to think this big?" Ferb asked.

"What do you mean?" Phineas said, opening a trapdoor in the stage.

"Well, we've got the holoemitter, the roses, the love notes, the musical number, the fourth wall break, isn't that a bit over the top?"

"You know me. I like a memorable project." Phineas eased the holoemitter into the space below the stage. "That's why I need this part to work. The timing on each change needs to be perfect, otherwise, the effect will be ruined."

"You also need to make sure it touches the ground." Added Baljeet.

"And I need to make sure it touches the ground. And then, This stage will be done." He smiled. "It's gotta be perfect for her."

Ferb sighed but pressed on. "I'm sure it'll be perfect, but do you really think you need everyone's help on this?"

Phineas looked at him, slightly confused. "Of course. Everyone should be part of a good project. Even Buford, right?" he turned to see Buford staring at his phone, while Baljeet tried not to laugh. "Guys?" Phineas asked, confused.

"Oh, that sneaky bitch!"

"Buford, Language!", all three of them shouted at him, as he continued to stare in horror at his phone.

"SHE GOT INTO MY LOCKER!" he bellowed.

"Who?" Phineas asked, redundantly

"ADYSON? WHO DO YOU THINK IT WAS, CANDACE?" Buford vaulted from the staged and sprinted out the doors, swearing like a sailor as he did.

Baljeet scurried after him, trying to hold down laughter. "Buford come back, violence is never the answer!"

The two brothers stared at the door the pair passed through for a second. _Anyway_ , thought Ferb.

"What's so wrong with everyone helping on a group project? It's the norm." Phineas said defensively

"Yes, but this is a bit more personal, isn't it?"

"Why? Everyone's rooting for us, why shouldn't everyone help."

"Isabella's not helping."

Phineas rolled his eyes. "That's not the same and you know it."

"Yes, but she doesn't. It doesn't help that you've been avoiding her at school and at home."

"I have not been avoiding Isabella!" Phineas paused for a second. "Well maybe a little bit, I don't want her to find out too early."

"She's not happy Phineas." Ferb crossed his arms. "In fact, she's leaning on being pretty pissed about this."

"Well I can't do a lot about that, can I?" He stared wistfully into the middle distance. "At least not until Monday..."

Ferb snapped his fingers, bringing his brother back to the present. "For now though, try and ease it off a little. Maybe cut a few things out of the building schedule. Act normal. Be normal."

"We're not normal people Ferb. In fact, you always tell me there are no normal people."

"Just act casual, alright?" Ferb was not amused at this point. "You don't want Izzy getting worked up over you being in trouble, do you? For christs' sake, spend some time with your friends Phineas."

Phineas sighed. "I guess you're right. Persides, I can get most of the work done over the weekend anyway."

Ferb slapped on the back, smiling. "Exactly. Now let's go see what's happened to Buford's locker." They left the room, chattering about other things; the next space adventure film; whether Milo had caused the power cut on Sunday; if Buford and Adyson were ever going to talk to each other again. The rain had died down, and Ferb could feel the pain from his head recede. Maybe he could get them to calm down. He was in control of the situation. Later he'd be able to formulate a proper plan, but he reckoned he'd gotten Phineas back into his box. Maybe there was a light at the end of this tunnel of love.

"You'd tell me if Isabella was up to something silly, wouldn't you?" Phineas asked, out of the blue.

"Course," Ferb said without thinking.

"Thanks bro. I can always count on you to do the right thing."

Ferb internally winced at what he'd just said.

Worse, his headache was back.

 **Authors' Notes**

 **Sorry for the week delay everyone, work is beginning to get in the way, but I should be able to get next week's chapter out on time. Very heavy on Ferb's POV for the last few chapters, primarily because I find him easier to write (sweary Ferb is currently my favourite Headcanon) but we'll switch back to poor Isabella's for the next few.**

 **A couple of quick notes:**

 **\- The Tea thing is a Star Trek reference.**

 **\- Look up Isambard Kingdom Brunel, he's made from the same cloth as Phineas and Ferb. Terrifyingly brilliant engineer.**

 **fabberabbe: glad you're enjoying it, hope this chapter is as good as the rest!**

 **defiant00: As you've probably read, things' don't get that much better for Ferb. At least not till he's had a few more chapters of torment for our pleasure.**


	5. Chapter 4a: Letters

**I thought that this being a Valentine's day themed story, you all deserved a little snippet for Valentines' day itself. Enjoy!**

 **Friday 11th February**

"Phineas, hurry up, you'll be late for school!" Linda shouted from the kitchen. There was a muffled reply from upstairs, and she rolled her eyes. Ferb gave his mother a sympathetic look and continued to munch on his toast. His brother was rarely one for doing anything on any schedule, and mornings were a ubiquitous example. Despite being an early morning person, Phineas Flynn was always late for breakfast and had to be practically pushed or pulled out of the front door most days.

"Phineas!", his mother shouted again, to no avail.

"He's probably knee deep in another sketchbook," he muttered.

"Ferb, be a dear and fetch your brother will you." Ferb gave his mum a _seriously?_ look. "Now?" she insisted.

He sighed, shunting his chair back and trotting up the stairs in search of his brother.

"Phineas?"

He heard a muffled noise from the end of the corridor.

"Are you in the bedroom or the bathroom?"

More muffled noises. Ferb sighed. "I'm coming into the bedroom. If you're naked, cover up please." he pushed the door open slowly. No reaction. He opened it wide. The room was empty. "Phineas?" Ferb went to leave but stopped when he saw a pile of papers stacked on a desk, all in his brothers' scratchy handwriting. He glanced out the door. No one was around. Ferb hesitated for a second, then crossed the room to Phineas's desk. He picked the first one off the top, and began to read.

 _Dear Isabella,_

 _I don't what to say. I don't how to feel. Elated? Giddy? Thankful?_ _Scared?_ _How should one feel when you find out the love of your life has loved you for almost a_ _decade_ _without realizing it? I mean in retrospect, you were being quite overt. Would you want an apology? I don't think an apology could make up for the heartache. If my last two months have been anything like your last 10 years, I don't deserve much sympathy for my pains. Ferb can only tell me so many stories about how many signals I've missed. I can't let you go on thinking like that, but I must._

 _Every time I see you now I want to tell you how I feel. I want to pull you aside in corridors and hold you tight and never let you go. I would build a machine to make the clouds any shape you want, and we could have clouds the shape of Pinky and Perry dance across the sky as I lie under the tree with you and watch the clouds cross the sky. Hell, we could be trapped under rubble or reupholstering a love seat: I don't care as long as it's with you. How did you last this long without me? I can barely walk to school with you without wanting to kiss you, let alone interact with you._

 _Every time I write one of these letters, I remember another time that my idiot self didn't realize your love for me. I've just remembered our time in London. You helped me realize what I was doing wrong-where I'd gone crazy. You found the hole I was_ in _and jumped right on down to help me out, without a thought for yourself. I can't imagine how hard it must have been to see what Kelly did to me, knowing how you feel about me now. But you helped me out of that hole anyway. That love, that care, without any chance of reciprocation (did I spell that right? you'd know) is the love I want to give you, all of the time, right now. But I can't. I've got to wait. God, I don't want to keep you waiting but I must. I've got to do this properly. I know I'm meant to be Mr. Spontaneous, but sometimes I Spontaneously need to plan. And this plan- It's a good one, trust me- is the most important one of my life. I just need it to prove that I can make up for lost time. All the lost time. And that we can replace all that angst with joy._

 _With ever undying love,_

 _Phineas_

Ferb paused as he finished. He looked down, counting at least dozens of other letters, some short, some long, going over on to the back page. Some had been crumpled then flattened again: others had been folded to be put in envelopes, then unfolded. One was a blur of crossed out words, blotted with biro ink and ink-stained fingerprints. One had even been written on the back of blueprint paper.

"I wrote almost one every day since I realized I was in love with her," Phineas said, from behind.

"Phineas, there are at least 30 letters here," Ferb said tentatively.

"46. They're a bit weird, I think. Obsessive, maybe. But I can't help but write them. They're so many things I want to say to her, and I don't want to forget any of them." Ferb looked over at his brother, saying nothing as he took the last letter he'd been holding out of Ferbs' hand, smiling sadly. "Sometimes I think about sending them to her, or destroying them all, but I can't. So they go in that drawer, and sometimes I get them out, and read them all, and wonder what she'd think if she read them."

"She might like them," Ferb suggested.

"Really?" Phineas sounded both excited and slightly dubious.

"Well, not all at once," he said. "Maybe a couple at a time."

"Yeah, that..that makes more sense." Phineas appeared to be drifting off to some Isabella-land, his eyes filling with a dreamy, wistful distance that made Ferb wished he had smelling salts at hand. "How did she do it?"

"Do what?"

"Deal with-" Phineas gestured at the letters- "This? The heartache? the pain?"

"You know, I think seeing you every day enjoying life helped as much as anything else." Phineas seemed somewhat satisfied with that answer. "Hey, where's Perry?" he said, mind in a million places as per usual.

"PHINEAS, FERB YOU ARE GOING TO BE LATE!" bellowed their mother from downstairs.

Phineas hurriedly stuffed the letters into the bottom right drawer of the desk, then bounded down the stairs two or three at a time. Ferb followed down the stairs at a more normal pace, shoulder bag slung. Phineas bounced around the kitchen, grabbing toast off his mum, rucksack in hand as he began to pull his shoes on.

"If you actually got up in the mornings you wouldn't be in such a rush would you?", she scolded.

"Yes mum," said Phineas, grinning at Ferb who simply rolled his eyes before handing his brother his red jacket.

Linda began to shoo them towards the door."Now get going, I can see Isabella waiting for you. Remember we're out tonight, so make sure to clear up after your friends and let us know if anyone's crashing here."

"Yes mum," they both chimed. Phineas stood by the door, breathing deeply. Ferb grasped his shoulder reassuringly.

"Ready?"

Phineas nodded. "Gotta keep moving forward."

The redhead pulled the door open, squinting slightly in the February sunlight. Isabella stood across the road in her pink jacket. She waved at them. Phineas paused on the threshold and looked back at his brother.

"I don't know how long I can do this for."

Ferb smiled. "You're bringing joy to her life, even now. It won't be long before you can bring love."

Phineas looked uncertain for a moment, but then he began to grin and waved back across the street, before bounding across to her, hugging her briefly Even from where he stood he could see Isabella blush slightly.

 _Business as usual on Maple Drive then_ , Ferb thought to himself.


	6. Chapter 5: I'll be Seeing You

**Friday 11th February**

"So why is girly here?" Buford asked, inviting a scowl from Isabella.

"Because Phineas said I could come" she replied, unamused.

Buford looked outraged. "But Friday is boy's night!"

"Friday is Poker night Buford," Phineas corrected as he sat down at the table, handing out glasses. Friday gather round the Flynn-Fletcher dinner table for an evening's worth of Poker.

"It's Boy's Poker night. I don't remember this one-" he jerked his finger at Isabella-"ever being here before."

"Jesus Christ Buford, what is this, Twenty Questions?" Django scoffed from the end of the table. He usually spent the prep period sketching, but he seemed suitably distracted by Buford's tough guy talk, which was a bit above the usual level.

Isabella sighed and fixed the 'Bully' with a stare. "Student government got moved." She was highly protective of her position on the Student Council, a position she only really abused to make sure Phineas could complete all his projects, like the pneumatic inter-locker messenger system or the actually functioning aircon system. Friday late afternoon meetings were usually when they went over the plans for the next week. It was also the only day of the week with no major clashes for those involved,-except, of course, Poker Night. "Lucky for you Buford, because tonight we were going to talk about banning Tuff gum again."

"And you didn't have any other free spirits to crush under your Jackboot?"

"Why are you being so combative Buford?" asked Baljeet, who had abandoned his textbook with some irritation.

"Because." Cut in Ferb, dealing the cards effortlessly. "He knows that Isabella will probably wipe the floor with him tonight, as she has in every game you two have ever played." Phineas stifled a giggle.

"Bullshit." Snarled Buford, in full knowledge Ferb was right. Baljeet grimaced from Buford's coarse language-that or his poker hand, it was difficult to tell. He folded anyway.

"He has a point Buford." He suggested tentatively.

"I think he's still sore because I gave Adyson his locker combination." Isabella snarked, matching Ferb's bet.

Phineas grinned as he watched Ferb deal the flop. "That was you?"

"Cannit Dinner Bell, I'm still picking rice grains out of my books." He glanced at the cards on the table. "Raise ten." He said, throwing chips forward. Django looked at him skeptically and then folded.

Phineas threw his chips, not really paying attention. "Oh, come on it was a work of genius! Sending the rice through the tubes and then rigging it to fill your locker when you opened it? Why did I never think of that?"

"Because we don't do revenge pranks." Ferb pointed out as he also matching Buford. He dealt the next card. Buford raised again without thinking. Isabella matched him, smiling at him. Phineas (only having looked at his cards this late) folded without saying a word. Ferb also folded, and then got up and left the room. "I'll be back in a second. Just getting something from the basement."

"I'll deal!", said Phineas, shuffling over and playing the last card with a flourish. Buford raised again, then looked at Isabella.

"Match that little miss lawmaker."

"That's below your usual standards Buford." Said Isabella. "I'll see your 15. That tough enough for you?"

"Fine then girly." He flipped down his cards. "Beat that straight, you amateur"

Django whistled. Isabella just grinned. "Think again." She dropped he cards down. "Full house. Whose an amateur now, Buford?" He didn't say anything, but his knuckles went white as he grasped the table edge.

"It's a good thing we decided not to play with cash today." He said, watching Isabella gather his chips up. "Just so we didn't end up hurting your feelings."

"We never play with cash Buford," Baljeet said. "Not since that time Ferb won three weeks' worth of your allowance and a bottle of Whisky."

"Hey, where is Ferb anyway?" Asked Phineas. Everyone looked around vaguely, shrugging

"I'll get him," Isabella said, as Phineas began to deal another round.

She hopped up and went out into the corridor at a pace. At the bottom of the stairs, she looked briefly down the passage towards the basement, then tiptoed up the stairs and across the landing, heart pounding. She eased the door to Phineas and Ferb's room open, wincing as it squeaked. It was only once she closed the door, and the slither of light had disappeared and left the room in darkness that she began to clock what she had decided to do.

Is it worth being caught in their room to find out who Phineas's asking out on Valentine's day?

Probably? She peered into the darkness, just about making out the outlines of the two brother's beds, as well as the myriad of other random items that filled the boys' bedroom.

I'm here now might as well make the most of it. Not like the others will help. Or care.

She began to search the room without any real plan. She went through his desk at speed. Drawers flew open, were glanced at, then shoved back in. She flicked through the piles of notebooks on the desk, paused at some of the more interesting sketches: a plan of the message tubes at school, a drawing of the Ferb-o-matic breakfast maker, some weird image of a platypus-themed hovercraft that made no sense. The ones on the table were full of old plans and adventures, reminders of a world long gone by. Phineas had no real clear work ethic: ideas were written down on whatever was in front of them: paper cups flattened our and pinned alongside post-it notes and the backs of receipts. Isabella lifted a pile of annotated older blueprints. Nothing on the table suggested any plan, any direction or design that Phineas had in mind. She went to open a drawer on the bottom right but as she grabbed the handle she heard footsteps approaching rapidly.. She dropped to the ground behind the SS Phineas, heart pounding.

The door creaked open.

Please don't be Phineas Please don't be Phineas, she pleaded with herself. She heard the door shut again. Have they left? There was no movement inside the room. I think I'm fine. She released a breath she didn't realise she was holding.

"I don't think Phineas hides sketchbooks under his bed." Ferb said.

Shit.

Isabella sat up on her knees and looked at Ferb. He was standing against the door, one hand on his hip. She tried to explain herself, say that Phineas had sent her up here, but no words came out.

"He keeps that sketchbook on him at all times now, in case 'inspiration strikes." He put the last two words in air quotes.

"Ferb I'm sorry-"

"I'm not going to tell him." She watched him as he walked over to his side of the room, reached behind a large hardcover on his shelf and pulled out a bottle of Whisky and two glasses. Ferb poured the amber liquid into the two glasses, picked up one, then sat down on his bed and patted the spot next to him. Isabella paused, then sat next to him. He took a swig from the glass.

She narrowed her eyes at him. "Aren't you a little young to drink heavy liquor?"

"Yes, Yes I am." He put the refilled glass to his lips and sipped. "At least in this country I am. Besides, I need it with Buford around."

Isabella looked skeptical.

"It helps," he insisted.

She sniffed it, then took a sip that she immediately regretted. The liquid burned slightly, and the aftertaste lingered like a bad mood on a rainy day. "How do you drink this?" she said, swallowing hard.

"You get used to it. Like heartache. Eventually, you get the reward, but you have to wait."

Isabella scowled. "That wasn't funny Ferb."

"It wasn't meant to be." He locked her with a gaze. "The end is in sight, Isabella. You'll get an answer to your decade-old question. Just don't-" he paused. For the first time in a very, very long time, Ferb looked like he couldn't find the right words. "don't throw a spanner into the machinery while it's still working."

"What is that meant to mean?"

"You're-" he paused, the whiskey going to his head slightly. "scheming about. Getting the gang to try and find out when its really none of your business."

"Well they all agree with me, he is up to something. Something big."

Ferb rolled his eyes. "Phineas is always up to something big." He pointed the glass over at the corkboard. "He's got the plans for the corndog space station, a Perry-themed root Beer and cupholders for subway trains going at once. Well he did, but everything is on pause. For this." He so desperately wanted to add 'for you', but thought better of it.

"And he's not telling anyone. Anyone!"

"Well, he's telling me."

"Is that meant to help."

Ferb shrugged. "No."

"And now the girls are acting all shifty whenever I bring it up." Isabella huffed. "Whats' next, the whole gang knows what he's up to but won't tell me?"

Ferb stared at his glass.

Isabella sat up. "Oh, that's not about to happen is it."

 _Don't say anything_ , Ferb told himself. "Not precisely," he ended up saying.

"Oh Lord," Isabella said, snatching the glass from Ferb and drinking steadily. Ferb went to stop her but faltered as she drank through the burning sensation in her throat. "I'm screwed aren't I." Isabella leaned her head on his shoulder sighing. Ferb patted it in as comforting a way as he could. "Everyone is just too afraid to tell me the truth aren't they."

"Are we seriously still on this?" Ferb was trying to sound considerate but came across a bit harsher.

"What do you mean 'are we still on this?'" Isabella hissed back, the alcohol rushing to her head. "I wanna keep my man safe, so I'm gonna keep going on about this."

"Not tonight though, for tonight we drink," Ferb said, saluting the air with his glass, prompting a giggle from Isabella.

"And tomorrow"

"Tomorrow I will explain how you might be breaking your man," Ferb muttered far louder than he really meant to. Isabella sat up, worried suddenly.

"What do you mean, hurt him?"

Ferb went to answer but turned to face the sound of heavy footsteps bounding down the corridor. A flood of light filled the room, and Phineas stood silhouetted against it, grinning.

"There you guys are. Whatcha doin'?" he said. Isabella giggled involuntarily, unsure whether it was Phineas or the whisky talking.

Ferb got up, helping Isabella with him. "Isabella wanted to try that bottle of Jameson's I had left from Christmas." He slid past his brother, bottle in hand.

"What did you think?" Phineas asked as they walked down the hallway together.

"Not a fan." She looked at him coyly. "What about you."

"Ugh. It's worse that Zucchini."

She laughed, a little uncontrollably. "Come on Izzy, let's go see whether you can humble Buford a few more times." He bounced down the stairs, still full of energy even after a day of school. She followed him, relaxing in his presence. But Ferb's last words pinged around in her head. Does he think I'm going to break Phineas? She stopped halfway down the stairs. I'd never do that to him.

"Are you alright?" Phineas stood at the bottom of the stairs, frowning.

"I'm fine – just thinking about how crap Ferb's drinking habits are." Phineas chuckled, then sauntered into the kitchen.

Why should I worry about him, he's the one who'll break me

It didn't take long for them to stop playing poker.

They rarely finished the night playing it, and if they were all being quite honest the eventual degeneration was what they all came for. Eventually, Ferb had begun passing out his whiskey, and Buford his beer (from unknown sources no one wanted to ask) and the six of them had proceeded to get what Ferb referred to as "utterly wankered". It didn't take a lot. Despite his size and bravado, Buford, bless him, was currently lying on the floor next to Isabella, trying to explain late Renaissance Frescos to her. She seemed far more interested in the shapes of the shadows the poor guy was making with his gesticulations and kept giggling infrequently as one hand would flit wildly when he came to some sort of point. Django was currently lying slightly limp on the sofa, spooning a less-than-willing-but-too-tired-to-care Baljeet, who was trying to ignore the fingers running through his hair. Poor Phineas, as per usual, was suffering from alcohol-infused mood swings, jumping from bubbly and excitable to broody and miserable. He slumped on a chair, whistling an old tune while staring idly at the switched off the TV. Ferb however, was fine. He couldn't stand up, and he reckoned if he tried he'd fall over, but otherwise, he was fine. He was enjoying himself. Everyone was, really. They'd chucked some crappy film on a while ago, but it had really just been background noise at this point-only Baljeet had payed attention, and that was to avoid making eye contact with Django. Ferb's record player was churning out old love ballads, a fairly inappropriate choice courtesy of Mr. Van Storm.

"Yo guys," Django said, looking up from Baljeets scalp.

"What?" came the slurred chorus from Phineas, Ferb and Isabella. Buford kept talking about the Sistine Chapel.

"Do..do you remember that time I tied myself into a ball."

"Yeah," replied Phineas idly. Isabella giggled again at the memory.

"And- and then Baljeet had to get you untied later!" she laughed at the memory, far too hard. "It took ageees,"

"Man, that was cool."

"Not as cool as the Gordian Knot," Ferb pointed out

"Or the Tower to the moon," added Phineas

"Or Cheestopia!" cut in Buford.

"Man," Django sighed, "I shouldn't have gone to art camp that summer, I missed everything."

"Yes, yes you did," chimed in Phineas, grinning at the memories.

"But I'm here now," Django sad idly, "I'm here now." He booped Baljeet on the nose. Baljeet recoiled from the touch and shoved Django off the sofa, where he promptly landed on top of Buford and Isabella, causing the bully to recoil in shock, swearing loudly while everyone else burst into laughter. Baljeet remained unamused and picked his Jacket up off the sofa before standing in front of everyone.

"I am leaving."

"Already?" Phineas asked. "It's only 10:30." He paused. "Wait, it's only 10:30?"

"We have been drinking since five my friend, and unlike you I have things to do tomorrow."

"What things?" Buford asked dubiously

"I have a lecture to teach," Baljeet replied. "So if you'll excuse me." He gave them all a sardonic wave and left muttering something about inebriated friends.

Django smiled. "Man, he has a cute butt." He received a slap over the head from Ferb for his troubles. "What?" he said.

"What happened to no flirting in this house," Ferb remonstrated.

"I can't help it," Django replied, "Man's gotta say what a man's gotta say." He sighed. "Anyways, I should probably go as well."

Buford snorted. "Why, so you can keep staring at his butt?"

"Maybe. Either way, I'm working tomorrow anyway." Django put his jacket on with some deliberation and concentration, swaying slightly with the music that ebbed in the background. "Night all." he saluted Phineas and followed Baljeet out, humming an indecipherable tune.

"He's right though," piped Phineas from his chair, "Baljeet does have a cute butt." Isabella giggled.

Ferb rolled his eyes. "Why does this happen when we get pissed." Buford sighed and got up, staggering in the direction of the bathroom, groaning slightly as he did so. Isabella has gotten up, and she plopped herself in the lap of a rather surprised Phineas.

"Do you think I have a cute butt?", she asked, barely managing to get the question out through her laughing.

"Well Izzy, you are cute. It is-"

"a scientific fact that I am the cutest being in the galaxy," she said with some ceremony. "So why won't you just tell me that I'm cute?"

"Because I don't need to." Phineas said.

"But I want you to." She leaned forward, her face close to his as he tried to lean back further. "Say it, Flynn," she said with mock seriousness.

"Or what?" he said, trying to raise an eyebrow.

"I won't kiss you?" she said, dreamily. Phineas strained to look at this brother pleadingly. Phineas's worry that this would be more than an idle threat was not without reason. Isabella and alcohol usually resulted in three things. First, uncontrollable giggling. Second, extreme emotion bravery beyond anything she'd do sober. Thirdly, total memory blackouts.

The last two were not a good combination, as one would imagine.

Ferb his brother gave a despairing shrug- what was else was he do to? Isabella frowned at Phineas's nonreaction, and poked Phineas in the nose to get his attention.

"Yes Izzy?" he said nervously.

"Has anyone ever told you you have a really big nose?"

Phineas gave her a tedious look. "Isabella, my head is a triangle, of course, people tell me I have a big nose. Well actually most people don't comment on the nose, more on the actual shape of my head, which is fair enough considering-"

"Phineas?"

"Yes, Izzy?"

"Stop distracting."

"Yes, Izzy." He rolled his eyes at Ferb.

"Now, my-" she giggled slightly, "little crumb cake, you're going to tell me that I'm cute."

It was around this point that Ferb realized that Isabella was very drunk, and Phineas was very sober, two things that made a very, very bad combination. Phineas, red-faced, looked to his brother for any, any path out of this, but both Ferb's head and his legs were really failing to provide any solution to this. Even at this moment, Ferb could tell that something bad was about to happen. He just couldn't really do anything to stop it.

"Why am I your crumb cake?" Phineas asked, evading as he'd never evaded before.

"Because. I. Said. So." With every pause, she edged herself closer to him. Phineas could smell her breath, her perfume - he could practically hear her heartbeat, and it was fast. "Why won't you call me cute, Phineas?"

"I-"

"Don't you want me to kiss you?"

"Well-"

"Well? Well?"

"Listen, Izzy, I don't want to make you do something I won't regret."

"Like what?"

"I- I don't know."

"Like this? Isabella put her arms around his neck, staring into the deep pools of his eyes.

"I mean-"Phineas went to push himself out of the chair, but his hands were taken by Isabella and held tightly. He was trapped.

She leaned even closed. "Will you regret this, Mr. Flynn?" she breathed and pulled him in for a long, deep kiss. Phineas tried to resist, straining slightly against it. From where Ferb sat, it was an odd thing to watch. Realistically, Phineas should've been enjoying that. This was something he'd wanted, for weeks upon weeks. But he just wasn't into it. He looked like a deer in the headlights as Izzy made out with him , uncomfortably. Ferb had never seen his brother look more awkard, and as quickly as she'd begun Isabella pulled back from him, frowning. "What's wrong?" she said quietly, stroking his hair steadily. Phineas pushed her hand back, and she pouted.

Phineas had gone a terrific shade of red. "I-I need a second."

He got up suddenly, practically shoving Isabella off his lap. "I-I-I should check on Buford. He's been gone a while, and I need to make sure he-he hasn't thrown up on the good guest towels again." He hurried upstairs without another word. Ferb wanted to go and ask him what was wrong, but once again his legs were failing him. Isabella stared after him, swaying slowly to You're Nobody Til Somebody Loves You. She drifted towards Ferb. Isabella reached forward and pulled Ferb upright. Apparently, his legs were working now. She took his hands and began to sway slowly around the room. She rested her head on his chest, and he felt her tears dripping onto his undone waistcoat. It was a somber dance, and Ferb patted her on the head as she sobbed quietly.

"Why won't he see me Ferb?"

"He does-"

"I kissed him Ferb, and he ran away. I-I gave him every chance, and he's too afraid to tell me the truth."

"Izzy-"

"You are as well, but you're just protecting him." She looked up, her face streaked with tears. "I can get that. You-you're good like that. You don't want to hurt either of us like that. But Phineas? I expected him to be upfront about this. He's Mr Oblivious, he should be asking me for advice about this valentine's bullshit. At least I know how to deal with that pain." Ferb didn't say anything. He just kept swaying with her, soaking up the tears. "He was so uncomfortable. It was like I was some form of strait- strait- straitjacket."

"He does like you Izzy."

"If he likes me so much, why didn't he kiss me back?"

"Well, he is quite sober, and you are rather drunk."

"I guess I am. I don't think it mattered, though."

"Are you sure."

"You people need to stop padding my feelings. I know the truth now."

"Izzy-" Ferb knew better than to argue with her now. He moved in silence, wondering how this was going to play in the morning.

Isabella looked up from Ferb's shoulder to see Phineas watching them, smiling weakly from the stairs. She smiled back, and released Ferb, and swayed towards him. He still looked scared of her, but he took her hand when she guided him into the middle of the room. He began to babble, quietly."I'm sorry Izzy, I should-I should explain, you see-" Isabella put a finger to his lips.

"Dance with me."

"Why don't you dance with Ferb?"

"Because you're a better dancer."

"Ferb's dancing is nationally syndicated though."

"Just dance, will you," she snipped.

They drifted together in silence hugging each other close, each looking beyond the other into the distance, listening to Billy Holliday on the record player. Phineas's awkward embrace softened as they moved, their bodies melding together as they began to move in an old, unlearned but perfect harmony. Ferb and Buford, worries of tomorrow and work and classes and gossip, college and the future vanished as they danced around the room, never looking at each other, just enjoying each others' presence in a way that both knew the other would not remember the next day. It was a dance they both wanted, and in their heads it was more a dream than reality. They didn't notice when they began to sing. They didn't know who started first, but soon they were both softly singing along.

 _I'll be seeing you in every lovely summer's day and,_

 _Everything that's light and gay,_

 _I'll always think of you that way,_

 _I'll find you in the morning sun,_

 _And when the night is new,_

 _I'll be looking at the moon,_

 _I'll be seeing you._

They were both crying by the end. "Please don't leave me again." Isabella said.

"I won't let you go, ever," he breathed. "I mean it."

She didn't hear him.

 **Author's Notes**

 **The Poker night thing is something me and my friends did for most of our last year at school, except that we usually played poker for longer, and we'd usually drink more. But that's a legal drinking age of 18 for you.**

 **defiant00: As per usual, thanks for the kind words, and I'm glad you think I'm keeping them in character. The masks might have slipped a bit in this chapter, but that's alcohol for you.**

 **Blackspiderman: I think "knocked down a few pegs" might be a harsh description of what *might* happen, but there is a certain catharsis to having Isabella on the back foot a little.**

 **If you're after the music for the song, he'res the recording I was imagining watch?v=9l44_n60QQ8**


	7. Chapter 6: Practicing?

**Saturday 12th February**

Ferb could smell bacon.

In itself, that wasn't that weird. But why exactly could he smell bacon in bed? They'd decided against a breakfast maker in the bedroom after the incident where it exploded and coated the whole room in baked beans and Worcestershire sauce. Phineas wouldn't be stupid enough to try that again. Actually, he probably would be.

After several minutes lying with his eyes closed, Ferb decided he should probably investigate the bacon smell, and went to remove his duvet. It was around this point that Ferb realized he was not in his bedroom, but lying across the sofa downstairs.

Also, his head was killing him.

Ferb blinked his eyes opened to the blurry sight of the living room. He groped for his glasses and put them on, squinting at the clock.

 _Who cooks breakfast at 6:30 in the morning?,_ Ferb thought.

 _Why do I even bother asking._

Ferb stood up, steadying himself on the wall as the blood rushed from his head. The sun was barely up, and an orange glow silhouetted the branches of the tree outside. It was probably a pretty sight, but the light just burned into the back of Ferb's head like a laser beam. He shuffled into the kitchen, trying to remember where they'd left the hangover pills. As he rounded the corner, however, he was met with a cacophony of sounds and smells that he really wasn't ready for. Sizzling pans, the whistle of a kettle, toast popping, the radio blaring out pop music while Phineas stood staring at a cookbook while stirring a bowl of pancake mix. Ferb stood in shock for a second, before shaking his head and going for a glass. His brother didn't notice him until he'd turned the wrong tap on and burned his hand, exclaiming loudly.

"Oh hey Ferb!" he said with a criminal level of cheeriness. Ferb gave him a-what-in-fuck-is-going-on look.

"I am practicing."

 _Practicing?_

"You'll see," he said, ladling the pancake mix into the pan.

 _Right. By the way, do you know where-_

"They're in the medicine cupboard, top right." Ferb shuffled over to the cupboard and pulled out the jar, grimacing with anticipation at the prospect of taking their hangover cure. It was really the must *adult* thing Phineas had ever invented, and it was less for him and more for their friends - despite the fact that teenagers can basically withstand most things, a little help in the morning never hurts. They did not taste nice, which was why Phineas sometimes called them 'comeuppance pills'. _It was a fitting name_ , Ferb thought as he forced himself to swallow the damn thing.

It wasn't nice, but at least the light wasn't trying to kill him anymore. Furthermore, the fog had cleared enough from his head to grasp that Phineas was making food. A great deal of food. At 6:45 in the morning. A multi-tiered frying pan had sizzling piles of Bacon, sausages, mushrooms and even Haggis, while a special contraption turned out every kind of egg know to mankind, the toaster, suddenly expanded several times, popped out crumpets, toast and bagels, and intervals and then preceded to butter them with two extended arms that then stacked them high on a small plate. Phineas seemed to be sticking to the known laws of physics, however, for the pancakes, and one standard size frying pan was being handled by him for the intricate art of pancake making.

 _Phineas?_

"Yes, brother of mine?"

 _What are you doing?_

"Well," he said, tossing a pancake, "I thought I should practice making breakfasts."

"Practice making breakfasts?" Ferb said dubiously, pouring himself a coffee.

"Well you know how Dad says that the way to a woman's heart is through her stomach?"

 _You're taking relationship advice from the man who only clocked mum loved him when Love Handel basically yelled it at him?_

"Shut up." Phineas said "Anyway, I thought 'where better to start but breakfast? So I'm making breakfast for you, Buford and Isabella? It's gonna be awesome!", he gesticulated at the myriad of breakfast foods he had at hand.

"So, to practice for making a romantic breakfast for Isabella, you're making a semi-romantic breakfast for Isabella?"

Phineas narrowed his eyes at his brother. "What makes you think this breakfast is romantic?"

"You've written her name and a heart in whipped cream on a pancake," Ferb pointed out.

"No, I-" Phineas looked down at the plate, "Quiet you." Ferb giggled silently. "Well at least I'm getting good practice runs in," he said, scraping the whipped cream off.

"Aren't you assuming a lot here by practicing for something that may not even happen?"

"What do you mean 'may not happen'?"

Ferb paused for a second. "Well, what if your big dramatic declaration of love falls flat?"

"Why would it fall flat?" Phineas said, dishing food without looking up.

"What if she finds it obnoxious? What if she doesn't want a big dramatic thing? You remember what always happens with her birthdays, you want to end up like that with something this big?

"What's wrong with the dramatic?" He gestured to the symphony of breakfasting that surrounded him. "I like the dramatic. When required, I am the dramatic."

"I think that might be part of the problem."

"Part of the problem?"

"Well-"

"Ferb, when have any of my 'dramatic projects' ever failed?"

"Do I need to remind you about Isabella's 15th Birthday?"

"No."

"You get the point then."

"Yes." Ferb raised an eyebrow. "I do!" insisted Phineas. "I was being crass. I didn't know what I was doing then."

"And you do now?"

"Why are you questioning me now?" Phineas huffed as he dished food. "You were the one who put this idea in my head, who helped me come up with it, but now it's 'you're not doing this right, you're gonna screw this up'. Just let me do the right thing for Isabella for once in my life."

Ferb paused for a second, then sighed. _Alright._

"Thanks." Phineas went to say more but then heard the ungainly thumping of feet on the stairs before Buford. long hair frizzed up and eyes wild, thundered into the kitchen. He stared wild-eyed at the two of them.

"I smelled bacon," he said, eyeing them both suspiciously.

"Good morning to you two Buford," said Ferb

"BACON," he insisted.

"Over here, Buford," said Phineas, passing him a plate which Buford attacked with his bare hands, munching with his mouth open. Ferb sighed, and picked his plate up and passed through into the family room. What am I going to do? I should do something. I can't watch him fuck this up. I'm running out of time to do something, but I'm pulling up blanks on what to do this time. He sighed. _God, usually I'm good on this._

"Penny for your thoughts?" Ferb looked up to see Lawrence standing over him in his dressing gown, tea in hand with paper under his arm.

"Oh, good morning Father," Ferb said, smiling weakly before going back to pushing Phineas's food around the table.

"Had a good night?"

"In a sense," Ferb said without looking up from the plate again.

"Good of you chaps to clean up," his father said from behind the paper.

"You know we always do."

"Better than I was when I was your age," Lawrence said. Ferb hid a smirk. Ferb heard footsteps in the upstairs hall.

"Saw Buford in the Kitchen. Is that Buford or Django?"

"Isabella," Ferb said dryly.

"Well," Lawrence said, "Some progress at last."

Ferb rolled his eyes. "Phineas slept in that chair dad."

"Ah," he sighed. Isabella came trotting down the stairs, humming slightly. "Morning Isabella," Lawrence said.

"Oh, good morning Mr. Fletcher!" she said cheerily.

"Up to much today?" he asked, sipping is his Tea.

"Oh, not much," she said awkwardly, glancing awkwardly in the direction of the kitchen where Phineas and Buford were chatting loudly about something banal."Just, work and stuff, mum might need me at the restaurant. Y'know, the usual."

"Sounds like a quiet day then."

"Something like that," she said smiling slightly. Lawrence didn't reply, and she took the chance to slip into the kitchen where her voice still mingled in with the other two.

"Are you sure Phineas slept down here?"

Ferb gave his dad a look.

"What? I'm a parent, it's my job to pry," huffed Lawrence. "I mean considering that Phineas is a bit less clouded in childlike thoughts these days…"

Ferb gave his dad a what-are-you-on-about look.

"Well, I've seen the way he looks at her these days. He thinks other people don't see it but," Lawrence tapped his nose, "I have my ways. I might be seen as 'Mr. Slow' in this household, but I have noticed that snippet."

"If only she'd notice," Ferb said, gazing idly at the kitchen.

"Well the targets of affection usually are, until poof!" he made a dramatic gesture, "they're not, and everything precedes as nature intends."

"But what if it doesn't?", Ferb muttered

"What do you mean?"

Ferb at his father. "Everything preceding as intended. What if it doesn't? You've noticed us working on his big Valentines' thing, right?"

"I've heard you at it in the garage," he said with a hint of annoyance. Ferb brushed passed it.

"I'm beginning to think that it might be about to go horribly wrong."

Lawrence raised an eyebrow. "In what way?"

"What if Isabella reacts badly? What if Phineas handles it badly? They'll both suffer for it either way," Ferb leaned back and ran a hand through his hair, thinking. "I just have this terrible feeling something bad might happen, that'd ruin their relationship as friends- or anything more - forever. I mean they've been dodging the obvious for what, 10 years now? It's not like there isn't some latent anger built up somewhere between those two waiting to boil off."

Lawrence nodded as he spoke, then gave Ferb a pensive, thinking look before saying, "That's a bit of a pickle, isn't it." Ferb watched his father take a long draught from his mug, before sighing. "They'll sort each other out in the end."

Ferb looked at his dad, pensively. "Seriously?"

"As you said, it's been a decade. They're best of friends, they've been through thick and thin together, I think they can survive the rough and tumble of love."

Ferb gave him a mildly exasperated look. "Yes but compared to some of the stuff we've been through, this is so simple-so simple that I think they could just overcomplicate it."

"Love is not very simple Ferb," he said standing up, "and that's something you only learn through age, experience and a great deal of trial and error." Ferb looked at his father, bemused. "What? I thought that was rather good."

"I suppose it was, but I wasn't ready for it at 9:30 in the morning."

Lawrence smirked at this. "I'm going to go get your mother up," he said and walked upstairs, waving hello at Buford as the large Football player staggered past him carrying a glass of water and a comeuppance pill. He glowered at Ferb, then forced the pill down, chugging the water before leaning back and belching cartoonishly.

"God, that feels good," he said, sighing.

"What does."

"My head not hurting. Hangover's bad enough, but even sober Buford can't handle those tso long in a room with the lovebirds," he said jerking a thumb at the kitchen, where Phineas and Isabella stood flirting at each other, both oblivious to the other's intentions.

Ferb sighed. "What am I going to do Buford," he said, toying with the lukewarm eggs.

"Do about what?" Buford said, stealing a rasher of Ferb's bacon.

"What do you mean 'do about what?'" Ferb said indignantly. "Them!" he said, pointing into the kitchen. "Those two idiots and their self-destructive tendencies!"

Buford shrugged. "Not ma problem." He munched for a second. "And probably not your either."

"Phineas is my brother, and Isabella is our friend."

"Hey hey hey, Buford ain't Izzy's friend."

"Buford, this is not the time for your 'Harry met Sally' spiel about the fact that men can't be friends with women, it's not funny and it makes you sound like a right twat." Buford stared at Ferb in slight shock. "Sorry, I'm just not in the mood for it today."

"Are you seriously this worked up over those two?"

"Yes?" Ferb scoffed. "You saw the level of craziness Phineas has gone to with his plans for Monday."

"I wouldn't say it goes beyond his normal level of craziness Ferb," Buford said

"Yeah, but this time he's not doing it because he likes being crazy," Ferb hissed, "he's got emotionally invested in this one working. This. Never. Happens. Because Phineas has a tendency to blow up when he gets emotionally involved with inventions that go wrong. And Isabella.

Buford nodded slowly. "And ya think that cos Izzy doesn't think Dinnerbell could ever figure out he likes her on his own, she's gonna do some crazy stuff to keep him for herself? That's a bit far isn't it?"

"Because when that goes wrong we're the ones who are going to get caught in the blast radius, and you and your edgy hot takes will be the first one Isabella comes for." Buford seemed unfazed by this assertion.

"Well I'll burn that bridge when I get to it, but for now I think we just have to watch. I mean, what's the worst that could happen?"

"You haven't spoken to Adyson recently have you Buford," Ferb said dryly.

Buford gave him a tedious look. "Whaddaya think?"

"Isabella has enlisted all her friends-sans us lot, of course- to help her not only figure out who Phineas's Valentine is but to stop him from performing any romantic acts for her."

"She's plotting to ruin her own valentine's day?"

"Uhuh."

"And no one has thought to tell her not to."

"Buford, do you live with your head up your ass?"

"Mostly," he said, still unfazed. "So she's ignoring the obvious?"

"Yep."

"Ya can't do anything to fix this Ferb. You know, Unstoppable forces and impractical objects."

"Immovable, Buford, Immovable," Ferb said, sighing.

"Whateva. Point is you're just gonna have those two butt heads first before they'll love."

Ferb looked at the two of them, laughing awkwardly in the kitchen. "You really think so?"

"Not rocket science, is it? They're too in love to believe that they could actually fall in love."

"Since when were you an expert in love, Buford?"

"Since when were you, mint-hair?"

"Touche," replied Ferb as Isabella and his brother walked into the living room, smiling, holding plates piled high with food. Buford went to say something snarky but was interrupted by the buzz of his phone. Several swift barks from the other end were followed by hurried apologies as he scurried out the front door. The three of them looked after him. "Well, I guess we won't be seeing Buford for the rest of the day then," said Ferb, sipping his coffee. Isabella smirked and sat down on the sofa. Phineas sat next to her, slightly too close. Ferb saw Isabella's hand go for Phineas's subconsciously, then snatched back at the last moment, her face lighting up red as she saw Ferb watching them. Phineas didn't notice or at least pretended not to.

Despite last night, and the awkwardness of the last week, they seemed to be back in form this morning. Phineas jumped right into his usual semi-monologue about design and invention, cut in frequently by Isabella and infrequently by Ferb. It was comfortable and relaxing, and before long the food was gone and the coffee had gone cold, but the patter of flux capacitors and Jefferies tube realignment and the best way to get the skyscraper back from the moon (a usual topic of discussion that usually ends in the conclusion that it's doing alright up there anyway and the cows probably like it). Things were almost normal - if it weren't for the February cold, they'd have been out under the Tree in the sun. Phineas and Isabella were nattering on, but Ferb could tell that there was tension behind it all - they were both trying to keep the façade up a little bit, Isabella trying not to let slip the questions she was dying to ask, Phineas the confessions he was dying to give. It was kind of sad. Ferb knew as much as he wanted to just smash their heads together, that was not really a solution likely to yield a positive result, so he shifted the subject onto the day's plans. Phineas immediately pricked up and made some noises about a long essay that had to be done by Monday, while Isabella made similar white lie-ish sounds about having to help her mother at the restaurant this afternoon. When Phineas stood up to clear away the plates, Isabella pulled Ferb closer.

"My house, 2:30," she hissed. Ferb gave her an are-you-serious look. "Yes I'm serious!" she hissed again, glancing into the kitchen as Phineas clattered plates into the dishwasher. "Do you want to help or not?"

 _Fine, I'll be there,_ he nodded. _Just don't expect me to be much help._

 **Hi everyone! Sorry for the long delay on this chapter: Been very busy in real life, but thought I should get back into it with, you know, the whole "There's going to be a Phineas and Ferb film now" and all.**

 **Fabberabbe: Chapterwise, probably around 10- 12. I've broken Saturday into two parts already, and Valentine's day itself deserves a multiple chapter treatment, especially if I'm going to put in a few cliffhangers for you all!**

 **defiant00: Thanks so much! I'm glad you think that this is so believable - sorry for the long wait, but now I'm back into the writing swing we should all get our cathartic final confrontation...**

 **Galaxina-the-Seedrian: Thanks for reading it! Watching them dance around each other is painful, but so fun to write, so knowing that you're enjoying it as much as I am is great.**


	8. Chapter 7: Bow Ties and Binders

Ferb felt slightly ill. "What in god's name is that?"

"It's a bow tie. And suspenders."

"Braces."

"What?"

"They're called Braces, suspenders are something else."

"Ferb, I'm fairly sure they're called suspenders. Braces are the ones for your teeth."

"I-you know what, we're getting distracted. Why are you dressed like that?"

"I think it's a good look!" Phineas looked genuinely pleased with his outfit.

Ferb gave him a _seriously?_ look.

"C' mon man, I think it looks great."

"You look like a Dr. Zone Cosplay."

"Says the man who either wears waistcoats."

Ferb paused. "Touche." He still cringed slightly at his brother's outfit. "At the very least ditch the bow tie." Phineas gave him a questioning look, then undid the tie while mumbling about how long it took him to tie it. "And undo your top button."

"FIne. Better?"

"Now you don't look like a background character in Hairspray."

"C' mon Ferb, is that such a bad vibe?"

Ferb looked at him over his glasses. "Yes."

"-the braces sorta work though. What's with the new look anyway?"

"I thought I should try something new. 10 years of striped orange shirts is a little ridiculous."

"So you're switching to a light orange button up shirt instead?"

"Gotta stay on brand, Ferbo," he said, making obnoxious finger guns at his brother. Ferb rolled his eyes, and went back to his book, looking up when he realized that his brother was still standing over him, awkwardly smiling at him.

 _Yes?_

"Weren't you meant to go over to Isabella's to help her with her history paper?" Phineas was trying to make it sound like a question, but it came out as somewhere between that and a vague demand of sorts.  
"Well-" Ferb paused for a second. Isabella had actually invited him over to help him plan her audacious, dangerous and totally-unsupported-by anyone-who-was-actually-taking-part takedown of Phineas's Valentine's day project. Ferb had sort of come to the conclusion that he really shouldn't be going out of his way to help Isabella ruin her own Valentine's day, but now that he had to actually figure out a way to avoid going across the street, it occurred to him that a) he couldn't think of an excuse that'd get past both his brother and Isabella, and b) he actually might learn something helpful by listening in to her self destructive planning meeting. "-Yes, yes I am," he said, definitively.

"around 2, right?"  
Ferb nodded, suspicious.

"But she wouldn't mind if you went a little early, right?"

"I mean, no, but-"

"Great!"- Phineas pulled his brother to his feet with an absurd amount of energy and dragged him out into the hall before Ferb could stop him. "I've sorted your bag for you-" Phineas chucked his bag (laptop enclosed) at his brother, who caught it.

"Phineas?"

"Yes?"

"Are you kicking me out of the house so you can work on your project?"

"No, I'm kicking you out of the house so I can work on my project without you telling me what to do."

"That's still kicking me out of the house, though isn't it."

"Yes, I suppose it is," Phineas mused, slamming the door in his brother's face. "See you at dinner!" he shouted, muffled through the front door.

Ferb stood blankly in front of the closed door for a second, then sighed and turned to cross the road to Isabella's house. _This day is going to be as good as I thought it was going to be._

Ferb had been greeted at his neighbor's door by Mr. Garcia-Shapiro, a tall, thin man with a greying goatee who eyed up Ferb for as he stood in the doorway. Isabella's dad hadn't been around much in their childhood-his work had dragged him across the world but in the last five years or so he'd been a more constant presence in the neighborhood.

Not that that meant he remembered any of his daughter's friends' names (except Buford's, for some reason) but that was to be expected. The few conversations Ferb had had with the man had been cordial, but usually involved having to reintroduce himself slightly first, so that he wouldn't be confused with his brother, somehow. After a second, Mr Garcia-Shapiro stood aside without saying a word to him, calling to Isabella that 'the brit from the across the road was here' before giving Ferb a brief nod and retreating back to the Sofa to finishing watching a baseball game.

Ferb suspected that Mr. Garcia Shapiro (as per usual) had taken a second to remember that this was the quiet British Kid, not the weird redhead who his daughter had a crush. He paused, waiting to see if Isabella would emerge from her room, then stood awkwardly by the sofa, watching the baseball. Isabella's dad looked at him vaguely, then held out a bottle of middling quality beer.

He took it.

Ferb was about to start talking to Mr Garcia-Shapiro when he heard the pattering of light footsteps down the hall and saw Isabella speed walk into the room, looking flustered and excited. "Oh hey Ferb! I didn't hear you come in!" Ferb gave her a little wave and was about to say something when Isabella handed him a pile of folders. "Could you help carry these upstairs?" she said, handing him several inexplicably large binders.

"Isabella?"

"Yes?" she said, piling potato chips into a bowl in the kitchen.

"Why is this file labeled 'Flynn potential crushes?'"

"Well, it's a file, and it's where I keep a list of Phineas's potential crushes."

"Isabella?"

"Yes?"

"The contents page has every girl Phineas knows."

"Yeah, it does. I think I got them all, right?" she asked as she led him to her room. Ferb decided not to tell her she'd forgotten to put herself on the list.

Isabella more or less pushed Ferb into her room, where he was confronted by not just the rest of Isabella's girlfriends (who were all, for some reason, all early as well), but also, an inordinate number of binders, as well as a chartboard and what seemed like several maps of the school building from some inexplicable source. Everyone sat on the floor in various groups chatting idly about anything but the fact they were all there to try and stop something they all believed was necessary. After Ferb had deposited the files, and opened his beer (he'd gone to take the cap off using the side of the desk, but was stopped by Adyson giving him a death stare and a bottle opener), he sat down next to Gretchen, who'd been sitting reading one of the many files Isabella had deposited in the room. Ferb wasn't as close a friend to Gretchen as he'd been a few years ago- timetable changes and different course choices had meant they'd gone from being in practically every class with each other to only really speaking at lunchtime. He sat down clumsily, provoking a small smile from Gretchen who looked up from behind her glasses, blushing slightly. Ferb suspected that she still harbored a bit of a crush on him. He couldn't blame her, he'd had one on her for a bit before Vanessa had- well that wasn't really relevant right now, was it.

Ferb filled Gretchen (who'd been off sick all week) in on what she hadn't already gathered from other people through text messages. It didn't seem to surprise her. More, she was kicking herself for being ill.

"If I had been around I could've prevented this."

"I'm not sure anyone could stop this snowballing," Ferb said.

"Well, I get how the chief's head works with things like this. If you don't set it right early, she convinces herself that she's totally right and she's got to just sit out until everyone else realizes." Gretchen sighed. "Thing is usually she is right, but here? It's just gonna go…" Gretchen searched for the right phrase.

"Completely tits up?" Ferb suggested.

Gretchen gave him a tedious look. "That's certainly one way to put it." She looked at him awkwardly, not sure what to say next. Ferb stopped himself from saying something facetious. They looked around the room at the gathered friends.

"Are you going to eat all of those or actually past them around?" asked Holly loudly. Adyson shrugged as her as she munched on the massive popcorn bowl that Isabella had handed her as she had shunted them into her room. Holly sighed, then grabbed the bowl from her and put in the middle of the group that sat on the floor, chattering idly about anything but the reason they'd all been gathered here. Ginger and Katie were talking about some TV series at high speed and higher pitch, squealing slightly as they encountered each plot twist. Milly was on her phone, talking to someone- either her brother or her boyfriend, it was difficult to tell. Everyone seemed to be ignoring-whether purposefully or not- the reason they were here.

"Unless we all tell her she isn't going to listen," Gretchen said, "You've gotta get everyone to do it Ferb."

"I don't think that'd work," he said, "and anyway, it isn't my job to make sure Isabella doesn't make a mess of her love life, is it?"

"If it isn't, why did you come here instead of saying you had something better to do?" Gretchen said questioningly.

"Touche," Ferb muttered.

Isabella hurried into the room at this point, haphazardly carrying several files. Her hair looked unkempt and the wild glint in her eye suggested that the amount of sleep she had got last night had been hurriedly undone by several hours of crazed planning and file-making. Everyone in the room looked up as she went to stand by the Flipchart in a characteristically authoritative pose, binder in hand. "Alright everybody, thanks for coming to the planning meeting of Operation Cake Tin!"

"Cake Tin?" Adyson scoffed.

"You know, keeping a crumbcake safe?" Katie suggested with a level of enthusiasm which suggested she had come up with the name.

Adyson rolled her eyes.

"Let's not get bogged down on the naming girls," Isabella said with the well-trained intonation of someone who was used to backchat. "We're here with one goal in mind, to stop Phineas from getting himself hurt." She flipped the first page of the chart to reveal a 12 point plan, which Ferb tried not to snort out loud at. The first step, interestingly enough, was not (as he had suspected) identification- which was step 8, after signification and distraction, but prevention.

"Wait, what do you mean prevention," Ferb interjected.

"Hands up first Fletcher," Isabella scolded.

Ferb threw his hand up and continued. "How are you going to prevent Phineas from whatever you think he's doing if you don't know where or what he's actually doing. You don't know where he's moving stuff, or what he's moving."

"But we know how," Isabella said, slightly smugly.

"We do?" he said dubiously.

"Phineas always uses the pipes to move stuff around school now after the Vice-Principal got caught in that goat herd stampede."

Ferb nodded slowly. "That's fabulous, but you don't have a plan of the pipes and Phineas isn't just going to give me one is he?"

Isabella smiled slightly. "But I do have a plan." She pulled a blueprint-like paper out of a binder and brandished it triumphantly.

"Wait, so where did you get that plan?" Ferb said, reaching towards it as it was snatched away by Isabella.

"I didn't get it," she smirked. "Ginger did." All eyes swiveled to Ginger, who had gone bright red.

"Well, I didn't steal it per sae. Baljeet did." Ferb raised an eyebrow at her. "Ok. He sent me a photo of it and I then I sent it to Isabella who printed it out."

"So you don't actually have the plans. You have a printout of a blurry photo of the plans," Adyson pointed out, peering over Izzy's shoulder, "that is barely readable."

"Well, it's something, isn't it?" She asserted. Everyone made muted agreement noises. "Now I've redrawn it here-" She turned a page in the flipchart, revealing a drawing of the school resembling the photo, with some extra labels. "I've-"

"We've," Holly and Katie added irritably.

"We've figured out that the labels on the top right match a number of locations on the map. The Auditorium, Dr. D's classroom, the corridor by the Language classrooms, a couple of duct vents. You get the picture. Specifically, they all match up to entry and exit locations to the vacuum tube messaging system that Phineas and Ferb installed."

"What's that got to do with valentine's planning?" Milly asked.

"Duh, he's gonna send a card through the duct," Ginger replied.

"That'd be a little low key for Phineas, wouldn't it?" Katie said.

"Exactly," Isabella said, brandishing a marker pen. "He's using the pipes for something big. That's how Phineas works. He knows how they work he put them all together, and more importantly, he controls the airflow. Then again, so do you Ferb."

All eyes in the room looked to the green haired boy, who pushed his glasses up his nose slowly, more or less just for the drama. "Yes, yes I do."

"And you can track stuff going through the pipes?"

"We can, yes."

"And you can see inside them?"

"Not exactly," Ferb said, realizing that the privacy concerns of the gathered group were slightly in jeopardy.

"Ferb.." Isabella pressed.

"Only if we need to." He ventured.

"And if you wanted to, could you stop stuff?"

"I mean, yeah. But that'd involved cutting power to whole sections, which would, y' know, piss everyone off. It'd be easier to just block the corners with something like expanding foam or, I dunno, rice bags."

"Where?"

Ferb hesitated, and Isabella gestured towards the board. He got up slowly and went to the board. He glanced at Gretchen, who gave him a do-you-have-any-better-ideas? look. "Here, and here," he said, pointing to two choke points on the map reluctantly.

"But I don't know if that'll actually do much to stop him."

"Well, he won't be able to use the pipes." Isabella pointed out fervently.

 _"_ There are plenty of other ways to get stuff around school than in those pipes."

"And I'm sure we'll be able to intercept them all, right girls?" Isabella said. Her friends tried not to meet her gaze, but none actively challenged her stare. Even Adyson who was always the most vocal opponent to everything stayed silent. Ferb saw both Gretchen and Ginger giving him a pleading look.

He gave them a _Really?_ look that they either ignored or didn't comprehend. He suspected they were ignoring it.

"Do you have something to say, Ferb?" Isabella was giving him a challenging look.

He shrugged. "Nothing I haven't said before."

"So nothing useful then," she huffed. "Shall we move on?" Once again, there was no resistance from the gathered group, and even Ferb at this point lacked the energy to make a fuss. Isabella smiled, glad she was *finally* making some progress. "Alright, let's go over locations!" she said, brandishing a pile of binders.

There was an audible groan.

It took until five for Ferb to slip out and return home. He'd hope his leaving would lead to a general ending of everyone's ordeal by binder, but Isabella showed no signs of stopping. Ferb sighed as he fumbled with his keys in the dusk light, thinking about the illogic - no, the twisted logic of it all. Every girl Phineas knew - hell, even ones he'd barely spoken to. It seemed a little desperate to everyone, but they'd all gone along with it. There'd been a couple of amusing moments, like when Adyson got handed her own (rather bare) file, but it had mostly been a slog through collated gossip and hearsay that had made Ferb want to scream. He turned the key in the door, thinking about what there might be for dinner. His thoughts were interrupted by the sight of Buford, Baljeet, Django and Irving standing around the kitchen table looking like they'd been caught planning Ferb's murder. Ferb stood in the doorway, slightly lost, trying to pick whether to be surprised, shocked, or angry. He decided instead to just maintain the look of tediousness he'd been maintaining since 2:30.

"Evening chaps, he said, still standing in the doorway." They said nothing. "You know I've been doing the quiet enigmatic thing for 18 years now and you're all terrible at it."

"…How was your day?" Baljeet ventured.

Buford rolled his eyes. "Is that the best you've got 'jeet?"

Baljeet scoffed. "Oh, what would you have preferred me to say, 'Hi Ferb, do not mind us, we are just in your house helping Phineas with a project he told us not to tell Ferb about'?"

"No, but now you have said it…" Buford said.

"And you said I'd blab first," said Irving, unnecessarily triumphant.

Part of Ferb couldn't believe it, but most of him sarcastically told that bit of him to stop being so naïve. He sighed. "Did my brother give you any indication of why I'm out of the loop?"

"Something about you being on the 'other side'", Django said, not looking up from his phone.

Ferb rolled his eyes. "Jesus wept." He sat down on a chair, gazing at the slightly mad plan of the school which confirmed that Phineas was going to use the pneumatic system on Monday to supply stuff. "They're as mad as each other."

"I mean calling your brother mad isn't fair, I mean-" Irving was silenced by a withering look from Ferb.

"Speaking of which, where is Phineas?" said Ferb, looking up at the group.

"I think he went to get some more blueprints, "Buford suggested.

Almost instantly, Phineas strode into the room, barely noticing the presence of everyone else in the room, let alone his brother. "Alright, pay attention now everyone, we don't have much time before Ferb-" Phineas looked up, straight into the eyes of his brother who sat, arms crossed and eyebrow raised, across from him."Oh hi Ferb, we were just-"

"Organising a plan while I was out specifically so that I wouldn't know you were planning it?"

Phineas opened and closed his mouth a couple of times, a little bit like a goldfish. "….yes?" He almost seemed to be willing his brother to believe him.  
"Come with me for a sec," Ferb said, striding out of the room."

"Wait, but-" Phineas jerked back as his brother grabbed him by the collar and pulled him out the kitchen, accompanied by dumbfounded looks on their friend's faces. Ferb continued dragging him until they were in the lounge, where he stopped.

 _Well?_

"How was your day?"

 _Cut the crap, Phineas._

 _"_ What have I done?"

 _Apart from skulking around behind my back on purpose and acting like I'm some kind of enemy agent?_

"I'm not doing that!" he said defensively.

 _You kicked me out that house so you could invite everyone round to help you and went to the point of explicitly telling everyone not to tell me about it._

"That's not a crime."  
 _Is that your best excuse?_

 _"_ Who are you, Candace?"

 _No, I'm your brother._

 _"_ Fine," Phineas said, any sign of apology dropping from his tone. "I was skulking around behind your back, cos every time I try and involve you in this you just tell me how bad an idea this all is. And know what that's getting a little goddamn tedious now, so I decided not to bother dealing with you cos obviously you've got your own agenda here apart from mine."  
 _You've gotta just trust me here, ok?_

 _"_ Yeah, and I'm meant to trust my brother, so what is my brother do across the road, gossiping with the girls about me, huh? Why aren't you helping me? Why aren't you in my corner, Ferb? Huh?" Phineas sounded indignant, almost betrayed.

 _I am in your corner Phineas, but I can't be everywhere at once-_

 _"_ I'm not asking that. I'm just asking you to trust me when I say I know what I'm doing, and when it comes to this," he gestured with his left hand at the bundle of blueprints under his right arm, "I'm not sure I can. What's to assure me that you won't skip across the street and tell Izzy?"

 _Apart from the fact that she can't contemplate that you're going to make a confession of love to her?_

"What's that got to do with anything?"

 _Everything! Jesus Christ Phineas, how isn't this obviously a massive fucking problem?_

Phineas fixed him _"_ The only problem I'm seeing with this is you."

 _I'm sorry?_

"You. You're my brother. You've always been by my side. I've been able to trust you blindly on everything. But now you're throwing out skepticism and mistrust in me and my plans. I'm at a loss why. I don't get why you can't trust that I've got this one right? What's so different about this one?"

 _But Isabella-_

 _"_ Oh please Ferb, don't bring her into this, that's not an answer to why _you_ don't trust me."

 _It is though, -_

 _"_ I don't care Ferb. It doesn't matter." Phineas sighed and started out of the window at the shadow of the tree in the backyard. "I know that you don't think this is a good idea for some reason, and that means you're just a little bit in the way."

 _Phineas, it's just not going to work out well. I don't want either of you to end up hurt._

"Are you in love with Isabella?" Phineas swiveled round and bored holes at Ferb with his eyes.

 _You're kidding, right?_

 _"_ Is that an answer?"

 _Why should I answer?_

"Answer the question Ferb."

 _Phineas, you know exactly who, if anyone, I would project my affections onto._

 _"_ Oh, so you haven't abandoned Vanessa then. Do you think Gretchen knows that? or Isabella?"

 _"_ Stop now," Ferb said, his blood simmering. "I don't know what makes you think you can talk about me, or our friends. What the hell has got into you? We're all in both of your corners, but you're not making it easier for us! And what in god's name would make you think that I'd really be petty enough to try and stop you and Isabella from _finally_ (he labored that immensely) getting together over _my_ little crush? She'd pulverize me in an instant before you could do anything similar to me!" Ferb was yelling now, and Phineas had gone from belligerent to nothing if a little scared. Ferb pressed on.

" **I am trying to help** , Phineas. That's why I went over to Isabella's house Phineas, so I'd actually know how to help you. I can't figure out what the best thing to do is if you keep your side from me. Isabella *barely* trusts me as it is, but you not trusting me? For Christ's sake man, if it wasn't for me you wouldn't know that she ever even had a crush on you! If I had a crush on Isabella would I have done that. But you know what? I'm bloody fed up of walking around on eggshells around you. You're right. I'm not helping by trying to fix any of this. And watching both of you just sleepwalk into each other- it's ridiculous, but you know what? Everyone else is right, you guys should just crash into each other, maybe **then** you might actually stick."

Ferb looked out of the window at the tree."We're not 12 Phineas. We can't just have an adventure a day and start fresh the next. Everything has consequences now and if you don't realize that those consequences will turn round and fuck you over for the rest of time. You know what, I should just-" Ferb thought briefly about locking them in a room together, or some form of mind reading device, but he pushed those fleeting, desperate ideas out of his head as quickly as they arrived. He sighed. "I'm going upstairs. Go finish up with those four. Maybe one of us will be in a place to talk about this later."

Phineas didn't say anything as he stormed out past the four boys who stood listening in the corridor and up the stairs past his mother who stood in the landing, brought out from the study by the shouting. She went to ask Ferb what had happened, but he slid in the cool darkness of their room before she could catch him and collapsed on his bed, heart pounding, feeling a little sick. The fury that had driven the outburst had gone, replaced with guilt that left him feeling hollow as he lay on his duvet. He heard his mum pace up the door outside, pause, before walking away, the footsteps dying away as she went downstairs to question his brother instead. Ferb thought about going downstairs now, apologizing while he could, but he decided against it. _Phineas needs to take that all in first,_ he thought.

He wondered if he actually would.

 **That's right folks, I'm not dead! just busy with Uni exams and actual paid work of sorts, but in the mean time, I have managed to churn out another angst and frustration filled chapter for you all! (Would you ever forgive me if you didn't...)**

 **A couple of quick notes: the conversation at the start is a *slight* homage to the Instagram art of gthunder_503, whose absolutely fabulous Phineas and Ferb fanart brings me a little bit of joy on a regular basis. If you go back far enough you'll find those depictions of Phineas I'm describing. It's all brilliant stuff and I'm *sorta* tempted to write something based off it, but I shouldn't let my projects snowball now should I...**

 **defiant00: It's good to hear you keep coming back! Sorry to drop another chapter of angst on you, but you've got to drag everyone a little low before you can, y' know , drag them even lower before you finish on a high. Something like that the very least.**

 **EternalSnow and Monsoonmyth: Thanks! I'm rather proud of this piece of writing, though it is beginning to drag alone a bit! We're definitely going to move far more quickly towards the final dramatic conclusion now so don't worry about that! On the Phineas/Kelly thing - my general plan is to move onto another story of similar length (but probably shorter chapter lengths) about that once this one is finished. If you want some stuff to keep you hooked, it'll probably be set on their winter vacation to the UK and be *equally* as angsty as this one.**

 **Also: In the UK, suspenders is the word for a Garter belt. Look it up kids, I ain't sticking a link in here..**


	9. Ch8:The Part Where it Starts to Go Wrong

_Monday, 14th February_

Sunday had been tense. Not as tense as Ferb had thought, but the two brothers were nowhere near as relaxed with each other as they usually were. They'd had breakfast, done their homework, watched television, made a few prospective blueprints, but when Phineas decided to get up and leave the house - presumably to finish working on the Valentines' project out of sight/criticism from his brother, only returning just before dinner. Ferb didn't care that much. His Sisyphean attempts to stem the inevitable had come to naught, and he spent most of the day trying not to care. He'd ignored calls and texts from Isabella about some 'last-minute counter-plan' as well- not like it mattered that much. He'd find out anyway tomorrow. Phineas had disappeared into the garage after dinner, clattering his plates into the dishwasher and hurrying off with little ceremony. Lawrence and Linda stared, bemused at Ferb, looking for some sort of answer. He had shrugged and laconically replied "Isabella", which seemed to satisfy them. "About time," Linda had replied, with a similar level of exasperation in her voice that everyone who knew about those two had. Ferb had thought about telling his parents' that it wasn't that simple but decided against it.

There was a little bit of him - a morbid, cathartic bit- that was sort of glad that Monday had finally rolled around. At least there'd be some conclusion to this, good or not. When he rolled over in the morning, he saw that his brother's bed was empty, already made, and his schoolbag wasn't to be seen. When he trooped downstairs, he saw his mum had put out only one plate.

"Your brother went in early," she said, laying a bacon sandwich out on the plate for Ferb. "Something about setting up for later- he said you know what he meant." Ferb nodded, slowly, as he comprehended a week-nay, many week's worths of planning finally swinging into action as he stood there. He hurriedly stuffed the Bacon sandwich into some tin foil, gulping coffee down as his mum gave him a knowing look.

"I'll eat it on the way there," he promised. She raised an eyebrow at him. "I will!"

"Alright," Linda said. "Are you staying later at school as well?"

Ferb paused for a second. "What for?"

"The Valentine's dance?" Linda said, matter-of-factly. "Phineas said he was helping with the setup, and I assumed that you'd be helping as well."

"Oh, yes that's right," Ferb said, plotting it in his head, "I'll be back late as well."

Linda eyed her son suspiciously. "Alright," she said. "Keep an eye on your brother."

"That was my plan anyway!" he shouted as he walked briskly out of the door. This is going to be a very, very, long day, isn't it, he thought, shrugging his jacket on closer against the early morning cold.

Might as well get on with it then.

Ferb hadn't seen Isabella on his walk to school. Usually, she'd wait for him (mainly for Phineas) and walk to school with them, but she was nowhere to be seen on the way. He wasn't surprised really- he suspected that she'd gone in as early - or even earlier than his brother to set her counter plan into motion. It was a terrifying prospect, really- the two most dynamic, inventive and driven people he knew were about to go head to head over a completely ridiculous conflict neither of them knew was about to happen. His focus on what to do was thrown off completely by the décor of the campus as he arrived. It wasn't like he wasn't expecting it, it's just that he hadn't expected it to be so-well, pink. There was a lot of pink. Pink Balloons, pink paper chains, pink leaflets, and pink valentines cards, pink badges, pink wallpaper - even pink water though Ferb suspected that Anna Collins was just trying to see how much pink gin she could smuggle in during the day before the dance.

The dance itself was liberally advertised everywhere, with a huge pink sign above the entrance to the sports hall that was so neon pink Ferb got a headache looking at it. Glancing inside, he saw Django arguing with Emma Pearse about how he had classes to do and couldn't spend all day designing ice sculptures, while Nick stood looking bored by a large box in which Ferb knew his brother had hidden the holo-emitter over the weekend. He thought about going in to see if he could find anything about, but catching the sight of Adyson running past him with a bundle in her hands seemed more pressing. Ferb followed her towards their lockers, and when he turned the corner and saw Isabella and her friends gathered around her locker in animated conversation. On closer inspection, it looked more like Isabella giving out orders to the rest of them, Ginger zipping off one way, Katie the other. It looked frantic but deathly organized. Gretchen ran past him, pausing enough to say "This is fucking crazy," under her breath.

Ferb turned to reply, but she had already disappeared up the main staircase. He about-faced again and began to stride towards the lockers, intent to do something-anything, but about halfway there, just as he was beginning to realize that he had no plan whatsoever, he saw his brother crouching behind a wall.

"Erm," he said, glancing at his brother.

"Shh! Pretend you using your phone or something!" Phineas said, glancing furtively around the corner. Ferb stared at him agog, before rolling his eyes and pulling his phone out.

"What are you doing? he said, staring at his phone, feeling ridiculous.

"Can't go in too early," Phineas said, glancing at his watch.

"Too early?"

"I'm working to a schedule here Ferb, a reaaal tight one." He looked at his watch again, stood up, and took a long, deep breath."

"Are you 100% sure you should go through with this?" Ferb said, as his brother looked around the corner, tried to sort out his ruffled hair.

"You talk the Platypus talk, you gotta walk the platypus walk," he said, winking at Ferb before striding towards his Isabella.

"But….that's not even a phrase!" Ferb said, but Phineas had already begun to stride down the corridor out of earshot. Ferb rolled his eyes and hurried after him.

As the two approached, the girls at Isabella's locker looked up and suddenly scatter, leaving Isabella's slightly over-done smile to face them. It didn't matter though, because Phineas was putting an equally straining (and plastic) smile and demeanor on as well.

"Hey, Izzy, he said," trying to sound what one might describe as cool.

"Hey, Phineas," Isabella replied, her voice slightly higher than usual in some weird attempt to sound coy. "Whatcha doin'?"

Ferb thought about throwing up in his mouth.

"Not much, but it is Valentine's day, anything could happen today!", he said, a hint of Phineas Flynn excitement leaking through the cling-film coolness.

"Oh really," Isabella said, " Like what?" she said, inquisitively. The two of them stared at each other, flirting with their eyes as if they'd just seen each other across a bar

Ferb saw Baljeet and Buford appear, panting behind Isabella as they continued their joint project to make Ferb throw up. The Indian went to say something, but Ferb waved him away.

"Well…" Phineas said, pausing as if for a cue. Nothing happened. Phineas's glanced at Isabella's locker. Still, nothing happened.

"Well, what?" Isabella said, her tone suggesting she didn't quite understand what had gone wrong.

"N-nothing really," Phineas said, rubbing his neck and going slightly red- a sure sign that he was agitated. Something had gone wrong, but being Phineas he wasn't going to let that stop him. "It's just exciting, y'know! you never know who's got a crush on you, who's been keeping their little secrets.."

Surely she'll see that one, it's practically an open goal.

Isabella giggled quietly. "Now don't oversell it too much, Phineas, unless you've got something planned for a special someone…"

"Me? You know me Izzy, I'm not good at this romance thing- I just help other people have happy days," he said looking one more time into the back of his friend's locker before closing it behind her.

"Oh really? So you're working on something today?" Izzy said, trying to make it sound like an innocent question but still coming off more like an interrogator.

"You'll have to see," Phineas said, still trying to sound mysterious.

"Huh." Raising an eyebrow at him, Isabella began to stride towards the classroom with really replying. Phineas glanced one more time at the closed locker, glowered at Baljeet with a I'll-deal-with-you-later look and began to trot after her.

"What was that all about?" Ferb asked once they were out of earshot.

"The flowers," Baljeet said pinching his nose.

"The flowers?" Ferb said as they followed the other two to class.

"On the cue of 'Well…' A bunch of roses was meant to fly into the locker from the messenger tube. However, _someone-_ " Baljeet made daggers at Buford; "forgot to put them in this morning."

"Hey!" Buford said, folding his arms, "I put the flowers in and set the timer and everything!"

"Did you now," Baljeet said.

"Duh, or I would'n have said I did. Anyway," he said, pulling his phone out and showing the two of them a photo, "I took a photo of it in there at the right time 'cos dinna bell didn't believe I'd done it either." Much to their surprise, Buford had been right- a bunch of roses, bundled together in twos and threes in pink ribbon embossed in love hearts, lay in the sending tube in The group Locker.

"Did you see it get sent?"

"Well—" Buford paused -"I may have got chased out of the room by Adyson. With a meter ruler." Baljeet rolled his eyes, but Ferb had already clocked what was going on.

"It's Isabella." Ferb stopped walking, the other two bumping into him as he abruptly halted.

"What?"

"It's Isabella!" Ferb said as if he was trying to get across to the two idiots that the sky was blue. "She stopped it."

"But she was at the locker with Phineas," Baljeet said tentatively.

"Not physically Isabella you dunce," Ferb said, "she's got the girls doing most of the work. She's keeping Phineas occupied while they're throwing spanners into the machinery."

"Wait-wait wait-", Buford said, "Izzy's doin' her thing though, aren't they helpin' with that as well."

"I'm sorry, what?" Ferb looked incredulously at Buford.

"Did ya not answer the phone yesterday?" Buford said, "I wish I hadn't."

"Jesus fucking Christ," Ferb said, running his hands through his hair in exasperation. "What did she say she was doing?"

Baljeet shrugged. "She just said she'd say more at lunch."

Ferb tried not to boil over, but he was completely at sea right now. What was Isabella planning? She'd seemed perfectly content to just ruin Phineas's day once over, but now she was doubling down and throwing her hat into the ring of sorrow? Any plans he had for trying to bring a halt to any this had been torn the shreds. He couldn't be everywhere at once, could he?

"Cmon," Ferb said," let's go to homeroom." The trio began to walk towards homeroom, filing in and sitting down without saying much. As he sat down, Ferb saw Ginger, Katie, and Milly standing around Gretchen who seemed to be tampering with something on her laptop. To his left, Phineas and Django seemed to be in a similar state of tackling a technological crisis, waving Baljeet over to fix something.

Ferb suddenly felt quite alone. He looked at his brother for another second-Phineas focused on whatever he was doing, then reached into his back from the Brunel book. He'd just found the page when he realized someone was standing by his desk. Looking up he saw Rachael (was it Rachael?) Clarke standing over him, smiling nervously.

"Hi Ferb," she said, bouncing on the balls of her feet.

"erm, Hello Rachel," Ferb said, hoping she wasn't about to ask what she was about to ask.

"So, are you going to the dance tonight?"

Bugger.

"Well-"

"I know you have a ticket to go," she said

"Wait how-"

"Milly told me," Rachael said with a sort of 'gotcha' tone. "She also said you weren't taking anyone. At least not on the list"

Buggity Buggity bugger. "I have a ticket," he said deliberately, "as payment for helping out with the tech, that's all." He hoped Rachael got the message.

"Well, I'll be around if you want to, y'know, dance or something." She shrugged her shoulders nervously.

"I thought you were going out with Charlie Valera?" Ferb said, remembering something he wasn't 100% sure why he'd remembered.

"We're on-" she paused for a second. "We're on a break right now, and I've heard you're a pretty good dancer."

"Erm," he said, looking for any chance to end this conversation,"I'll think about it," Ferb said in a please-leave-me-alone voice, but as he said it he caught the sight of his brother urgently looking at the door to the classroom. Following his eyes he saw Isabella come into the classroom, chatting to Adyson in a rather forced manner. Above the door was a small portable speaker, which seemed to be wired to both a small sensor on the door and a ceiling panel.

"Ferb?" Rachael looked at him, confused.

"One sec-", he said, watching the ceiling hatch. Nothing happened. Isabella sat down at her desk as if nothing happened. Phineas looked like he could throttle Baljeet. Everything continued as normal. Ferb looked back to Rachael, who was looking at him like he was crazy. "Can I get back to you?"

"Sure," she said, idly fiddling with a strand of blonde hair. "I'll see you in History?"

Ferb gave her a thumbs up, then turned to see Isabella chatting animatedly with Gretchen, who looked far less enthusiastic.

"What was that all about?" he asked her as everyone filed out to their classes. She paused for a second, then sighed. "Isabella made me block Phineas's wireless signal."

"She made you what?"

"Phineas was meant to set off some music and balloons and stuff when 'his crush'"- those words were in finger-quotes- "walked in."

"Ah."

"She's also got me onto blocked the rest of the stuff he's working on digitally, and she's making me do the digital timing for her later as well." Gretchen sighed. "You'd think she'd get that we have to go to school today."

"She's got everyone working around her now? All the time? What happened to 'do everything before school?'"

Gretchen looked at him, confused. "Did you not read the texts?"

"Well I wish I bloody did now," he said, resisting the urge to run up to Isabella in front of him and start yelling. "What are the details?"

Gretchen shrugged. "She's only telling us stuff when she needs to. I don't know much else."

They had stopped on an intersection in the halls, and as the people rushed around them Ferb felt quite small and quite useless. "I have to get to class," he said, turning towards the science department. "I'll see you at lunch?"

Gretchen nodded, but as Ferb began to walk away she called out; "Hey Ferb?"

"Yes?", he said, stopping and looking back at her.

"What did Rachael want?"

Ferb paused, then said, "she wanted to ask me to the dance tonight."

"Did you say yes?"

Ferb shrugged. "Not entirely sure," he said, smiling wryly. Gretchen looked a little crestfallen. "Don't worry, I have no intention of going out with her." Ferb didn't know why he'd said that, but Gretchen seemed to feel better about it. She went to say something else but faltered.

"I'll see you at lunch," she said, shouldering her bag and hurrying off. Ferb was fairly sure he understood what had just happened, but decided not to think about it too much.

Morning classes were uneventful, which was a blessing in Ferb's eyes, except of course for when Mr. Connolly decided that he was the only person in the classroom who could explain what McCarthyism was at the exact time that he was focusing on eavesdropping on Isabella and Ginger's conversation. The muted and hushed whispers and the hastily written notes passed under tables and slipped into pockets in the halls were all that Ferb saw of the two plans that swirled around him.

As much as his frustration came from not being able to do anything, the knowledge that for the first time he was completely out of the loop with either side of the (somehow frequent) crises that this friend group of their got into. He'd be out of at least one loop before- that was fine. Earlier this week he'd (somehow) ended up on both sides, and now that he thought about he'd wasted the opportunity to try and prevent something this crazy happening. Maybe on Wednesday or Thursday, he could've walked his brother back from this, or tried to push Isabella towards the truth.

Phineas, now, seemed totally in the zone- a situation which Ferb had always observed from the inside. It was sort of inspiring really, there was a sense of intent and charisma to how he convinced people to help him hide cards or deposit flowers into lockers, even in the knowledge that five minutes later Adyson or Gretchen would come along and pick them up. It was sort of sad really, seeing how much planning, intent, spirit and -let's face it- hope had gone into a plan that was about to go crashing into nothing.

The fact was that part of him thought then-and-now, agreed with what Buford had said: maybe they do deserve to just crash straight into each other at this point, and like it or not the rest of them were just in for one messy ride to the end here. As he watched Isabella tick off people as they disappeared down corridors to do -something-, he wondered if shock therapy was the right thing for them. It had taken a long period of stress and a sharp shock to bring Phineas reeling into the base stages of adulthood, but that hadn't been needed for Isabella- she'd always been more grounded than him.

There was a sense in which she did lack that ability to be her own devil's advocate- ask herself, honestly, whether this was the right thing to do. Isabella's tendency to create a practically tangible image of who someone should be, or what they should do and then never backing down was irritating when you were planning a trip or a school project.

But when it was people? Her friends? Her crushes? It was positively dangerous. Everyone knew about Phineasland, and most people at best found it concerning. So if (and this was, really, a big if) the inevitable chaos at the end of the day made some difference to that state of mind, there might be some progress.

And who knows, they might come out of it a couple.

When Ferb was making his way over to the lunch table, ignoring the possibility of grabbing an extra pudding (there was only so far he was willing to go for cake and bright pink frosting in the shape of love hearts was too far), he thought about what exactly he should do, now that he was beginning to think that sending them crashing into each other was a risk he might have been ok taking, he realized that the group table was not really resembling a group. Instead, two groups existed at each end of the table, with Isabella and her friends at one hand, and Phineas and the boys at the other. It wasn't like they were huddled together in circles; they were just far too engrossed in their plans to notice the other group. Or Ferb sitting down. Only Adyson, who sat staring at her phone, was not involved. She didn't look up when Ferb sat down, or when he coughed. When he waved a hand in front of her face, she batted it away. "For the last time Izzy, I'm not gonna help you anymore."

"Help with what?" Ferb said. Adyson's head shot up, shock morphing into relief as she saw who she was talking to.

"Oh thank god, I thought you were Isabella," she said.

"I gathered that," Ferb said tediously.

"Yeah," Adyson, said, fiddling with the collar of her yellow jacket.

"So?"

"So what?" she said furtively.

"So what aren't you gonna help Isabella with?"

"Well-" Adyson looked like she was about to jump a long-winded, exasperated and sarcastic rant, but glancing at Isabella, she stopped herself.

Ferb looked at her with muted outrage. "Seriously?"

Adyson threw her hands in the air as if that itself was a sufficient explanation. "I promised!"

"What happened to 'We have to stop them' Adyson?" Ferb said, trying not to yell.

"Well-" Adyson looked - quite literally scanned the room - for some sort of way out, trying to ignore Ferb's piercing, accusatory stare. "Fine, she said, slumping in her seat slightly. Isabella's plan is-"

"Yo! Phineas and Ferb!" Django was half walking, half running to their table.

"Oh thank god," Adyson said.

Phineas lifted his head from his group. "What's up Django?"

"It's uh- Dr. D- he'd said he's having trouble the audiovisual 'extravaganza' he promised. Says you guys know how to fix it."

Ferb rolled his eyes. "He's probably wired a self destruct button into the speakers again." He stared dispassionately at the already lukewarm lunch in front of him, then shoved a bread roll in his pocket and stood up. "Let's get on with it then, shall we?" Phineas didn't respond but stood up to follow Django, leaving Irving to try and finish whatever co-ordination he was trying to do.

As Django led them through the corridors - past Evan Plunkett and Honor Browning, who were snogging in a corner that wasn't as secluded at they seemed to imagine it was, the way they were going at it, Ferb didn't say a word to his brother. He didn't have to and didn't expect Phineas to say anything either.

That was, of course, wishful thinking. The Idea that Phineas could ever keep his mouth shut had died about 15 minutes after Ferb first met him.

"So did you get your History assignment done?"

 _Yes._

"Gonna hand it in early?"

 _Probably._

"Y'know, because sometimes you proofread it a couple of times, though you don't proofread an essay on the New deal do you, that sort of stuff is right your street, isn't it?

 _Yep._

"What about Izzy's did she get hers done? I wouldn't want her fretting about that today."

 _Right._

"But she's got that sorted, right? She did ask you for help on Saturday right?

 _Uhuh._

"But then she's been walking around all day with that notebook. Maybe she's do a bit of a rewrite? She's got time. But then why does she need Nick and Irving's help?"

 _What?_

"They don't do History anyway, but maybe they can just proofread it anyway?"

 _Wait wait wait, Phineas -_ Ferb went to ask him what exactly he was talking about, but they had entered the sports hall and the buzz of activity drowned out any query. Even since Ferb had seen it this morning, it had become an increasingly elaborate collation of bunting, balloons and flowery patterns that covered every surface. Even the prized Football and Baseball trophy display cases had been covered with flowery paper chains and out staged by Django's Ice Sculptures (which had turned out rather well). Everyone seemed extremely busy and extremely stressed.

"C' mon guys!" Django ferried through the crowd, weaving between tables and a half-assembled stage. "He's in here."

 _*Doofinschmertz manning a MixingBoard!*_

"Why does it keep playing that every time someone comes in the room?" Anna Collins said.

"Oh don't worry, that's not the soundboard, that's something…else," The Science teacher looked around the room suspiciously. Phineas and Ferb looked at each other dubious but walked up to the Pharmacist anyway.

"Hey Dr. D, Django said you needed some help?" Phineas said with his usual enthusiasm.

"Oh hey, it's Pythagoras and Fern!"

"Phineas and- you know what never mind, "Ferb said, folding his arms in frustration. "What seems to be the problem?"

"Well-" Doof glanced at Collins, "I was just trying to set up the music order so it lined up with the timings on the projector, but when I tried using a version of the multimediainator to act as the main controller the system shorted out and then miss 'Fun-Tsar'-"

"Events Co-ordinator", Anna said tersely.

"Whatever, " Doof said rolling his eyes, " she said that it wasn't going to work and I insisted it would but that *apparently* it doesn't count as working when it shorts out the sprinkler system and locks all the doors and makes the smoke machines project cotton candy when you turn the music on. More to the point, why are the smoke machines making cotton candy? Why are there smoke machines anyway? Are Love Handel coming?" he turned excitedly to Anna. "Did you book love Handel?"

"No, I did not book Love Handel."

"Awww."

"Get to the point, Mr. D," Ferb said, trying to resist an urge to just walk out.

"What? Oh yeah, so then I remembered that Fern and triangle boy over here helped me wire the multimediainator in the first place, so I sent-" he peered at Django for a second- "Buford to get them." Django rolled his eyes.

"Hm." Ferb could already see the cogs whirring in his brothers' head. "Ferb, can you look at the software? I'm gonna see what's happening under the bonnet." Phineas was already sliding underneath the mixing board by the time Ferb had booted up the multi-media software. "I'm probably going to have to try and rewire this completely, aren't I?"

Ferb studied the code. "Probably not, it looks like this code was put together messily. Does anyone ever follow our guidelines for adding to this?"

"Nope," Phineas said, muffled under the controls. Ferb sighed, then began to trawl through the code, before then checking whether the music and video files corresponded to their circumscribed guidelines. As he did this he encountered a set of files that seemed to be totally out of set with the rest of the Dance's music set.

"Who's files are these?" He asked Anna.

"I dunno," she shrugged. "A lot of the music was last minute- someone might have stuck it in in a break or something? I swear to go when this is over I am never celebrating valentine's day again!"

Ferb looked at her over his glasses. "Right." I'll just correct these then?" Anna nodded, looking at her phone in disgust.

"Someone's just lost 10 liters of punch mix, again. You alright to handle this?" she said, already walking out of the room. Dr. Doofinschmertz (who was still here, for some reason- Ferb suspected that he didn't want to go back to the Staffroom) stood by the control panel, watching the readouts react to what Phineas was doing. Ferb watched the man stoop over the panel, pushing button in response to his brothers' requests and winced with him as unexpected static flowed through the speakers.

Ferb went back to the computer and began to bring the files (which looked more like standard music files than the ones designed for the video-media system) up to the standard. As he did so, he began to realize that there was no way these files could be part of the Dance music set.

"Dr. D?"

"Yes, Fern?"

"Ferb."

"Whatever, I'm a teacher, I don't have to be right. How can I help?"

"Do you know who put these files in?"

"Erm, yeah! Yeah, I do! it was-" he began to wave his hands around as if that would allow him to recapture the lost memory "it was- it was what's her name, with the bow and the hair and clipboard and stuff."

"Isabella?" Ferb said, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes! That's the one! She came in here with one of her minions-"

"-friends"

"-friends and added them into the system. I mean she is on student government, so, y' know, she's probably got more authority than I do."

"Right." Ferb tried to hide the panic in his voice from his brother. Things were beginning to make far more sense now than they had to a bleary-eyed, caffeine-less Ferb earlier today.

He began to check the contents of the files- the images, the videos, the music- it made it very clear exactly what had been going on, and what was about to go down. Ferb paused, staring in horror at a large 'I LOVE YOU PHINEAS!' banner in an image. Isabella was going to tell Phineas how she felt.

"Bloody Hell."

"Oh it's not that bad," Phineas said, sliding out from underneath the panel. "Dr. D just wired everything through another self-destruct button." He stood up, tossing the shiny red button in his hand. "What is this, the 10th, 12th one this month?"

"Twelveth, " Ferb said hurriedly closing the files. "Shall we head back to lunch?" Ferb nodded, trying not to kick the door angrily as he passed it.

"What was in those files?"

"Oh-" Ferb paused, looking to a gantry where Katie and Milly, struggled to slot a reeled in banner high above their heads. "Just some misplaced files."

"Hmph, so maybe the self-destruct button wasn't at fault then," Phineas shrugged and stuck it in his pocket. "Probably best to just take it out anyway."

Ferb looked back at Katie struggling to refold the banner, a bright orange 'PH' sticking out like a sore thumb against the grey ceiling of the sports hall. "I dunno," he said, more to himself than his brother, "You never know when they might be useful."

 **Here we are then: The finale begins! I originally thought about running it as one big chapter, then it became two, and now it's sitting between three or fourth chapters: what can I say, I get mission creep!**

 **defiant00: I'm sure whether this counts as picking the pace up, but it's certainly progress!**

 **Eternal Snow and Moonsymth: I think Ferb making the competent decision here would make the plot a little less interesting. Less painful, but less interesting. The Phineas/ Kelly story is still quite early progress now, and while it isn't persae a phinabella story, it'll probably end up being one. I should finish this one first either way!**


End file.
